No, I just read this article that my friend Emily posted from XXXchurch.com onto facebook and I couldn't help but respond to it. Please do have a read.
XXXchurch Love has no regrets...
This article comes at a "funny" time in my life. Okay, not really, but I feel like a good chunk of the conversations I have been having with people lately are about relationships. Like I have mentioned in previous posts, my "singleness" is often brought to light by and through friends and family. It isn't that relationships are a taboo subject for me or that I hate talking about love, marriage, and relationships. It is just a part of so many of my friends' lives, especially at the moment with so many people getting married and engaged. Even talking with some of my best friends, some of who are in the same boat as I am and some who are not, the topic of 'relationships' inevitably comes up. I mean, both my older sisters are married too, I can't just not ask about how their husbands are doing. Relationships are such an integral part of my life right now, even though I am not even in one. (What the heck?! Kidding.) I am so excited for so many people getting married. I think marriage is so wonderful and sacred - so why wouldn't I celebrate it, for goodness sake?! I love seeing people make life-long commitments with each other. I love that so many people cherish the institution of marriage and everything it stands for. And even though I am no where near getting married, I still see how beautiful of a thing it is.
In the words of Kristin Fitzgerald: "I love love." But, I can't help but sometimes wonder if I truly understand what love is. I mean, what it REALLY is. I have had such messed up views of 'love' and 'relationships.' Sometimes, I still do. Hence one reason I am not in one. In the days before I became a Christian, I would definitely have included myself in the % of people (from the article) who regret 'love' above most anything else. Even being a Christian, I have still made ridiculously dumb decisions and have had immature relationships with guys. Now though, regret just doesn't seem to be the right word. I now understand and believe wholeheartedly in grace. I truly do believe that God loves me for exactly who I am, no strings attached. I truly believe that Jesus died on the cross for ALL of my sins (even all those involving sticky relationships). I know that I can tell God everything I have done and he'll forgive me... because He loves me... and because of this, my desire to live in pure union with Him grows. I have to recognize all the stupid things I have done. I have to recognize all the mistakes I have made in relationships. Do I wish I had never done or said some things? Of course I do. But, I don't regret any of it anymore. I know that those obstacles have allowed me to overcome other road blocks. I know all those mistakes have allowed me to become the person I am today.
I can't help but understand where most of those interviewed individuals from the article are coming from though. After seeing so many friends and family broken over unhealthy relationships, it's easy to doubt love, blame love, blame others, and reject the whole idea of romance. But I love how the author of the blog post repeatedly stated the difference between true 'love' and 'romance.' And yes, there is a difference - duh, read the article! I think the reason so many people regret love, romance, and make poor decisions in relationships is because of a skewed vision of sex, marriage, love, the opposite sex, and a greater reliance on the culture's perception of romance instead of God's plan for love. Like the author said,
I did happen upon another definition of "romance" and when it comes to *true love*, it was the closest one that I could find: "love, esp romantic love idealized for its purity or beauty". But really...do you think if we all made it a point and purpose to base our romantic relationships on *purity* that it would garner 18.1% of a regret vote? *What would there be to regret?*Yes, we all make mistakes and sometimes wish we could erase the things we have said and done in the past. But we can't. So why don't we take those lessons and start trying to understand, appreciate, and love the true design for love and relationships?
I get asked all the time here if I have a partner. In New Zealand, a lot of people do not get married but are in relationships and have children with a partner. So instead of calling someone a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend', which would be fairly weird to say of someone you have been with for a good chuck of your life and have a family with, the person you are with "romantically" is referred to as your partner. Sexual orientation set aside. Even some married couples call their spouses their 'partners.' I am okay with answering no.
I don't know if I will ever get married or have a family or fall in love. Some people think I am negative and pessimistic for thinking this way and saying things like that, but I really don't think I am. I would rather be single and live completely and wholly in Christ than be in a relationship with a man or married because I am lonely, feel pressured, am too physically involved, or because I feel obligated and yet only be offering half of my heart to God. I refuse to settle. It's not easy to say that, believe me. But it is the truth. Also, I am only 23 and have a lot of traveling to do.
But if I do get married one day, I know I am not going to regret it.
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