Identity.

It’s crazy the way God reveals Himself to us sometimes. I love the way He reminds us of his goodness, beauty, and love. Through the relationships we have, through nature or the surroundings that make us feel the most comfortable, and through the things we see and what we are learning. I am learning each and everyday about God’s character. Sometimes, it’s in a very subtle way and other times, I cannot help but worship Him and give Him complete thanks and praise for the way he is working in and through me. I am constantly learning, but sometimes, I don’t realize the ways I am learning and I don’t see the way God is proving Himself sovereign because I get too ahead of myself and I focus too much on my own agenda. Just this past weekend, God, once again, revealed himself in a “I just hit you in the face, Beth, with a 2x4 so you would set your eyes on ME” kind of way.

I had a HORRIBLE Friday. Just horrendous. Why was it so bad? Well, it really is a long story with all sorts of little details, but it has to do with my art show. The original plan for my art show was for it to be with one other BFA student in November. The other two art students were supposed to have their shows at the end of October. Well, I guess our advisors were not pleased with the amount of work all four of us did (or, rather, did not) produce over the summer, therefore, deciding that instead of two two-person art exhibitions, we were going to join and have one large four-person art exhibition on the October date. I was slightly frustrated with this decision for a one main reason: less artwork. My artwork/show is a focus on Identity. The main point of my thesis is that we were created by a loving and creative God with intention… that our identity is in and because of Him. So, because we were created in God’s image, we each possess gifts, talents, and positive characteristics to use on this earth for him and for other people. I am trying to stress that our identity is not in what we do but more importantly in who we are and where our hearts are. I interviewed numerous people on their emotional characteristics/traits and their perspectives of purpose and identity. From their responses, I have been painting abstract figurative works of art, which are supposed to represent those people and their answers. I felt that fewer pieces would dismiss or lessened the effect of my thesis for the viewer. To finalize details for the show, our advisors and us students met for a review and critique on Friday. Well, at this critique, we found out one of the art students was not returning to Creighton for the semester and another one of the students requested to push back her show/graduation to the spring… which was granted. So now, the four-person show in October that was arranged turned into a two-person show… more pieces… once again… but now, a month before the original timeline I was on. Not to mention, after we presented our work to the advisors, we basically just got chewed out for being unprofessional and poor representations of the Creighton art department. I understood and respected most of the advice and the things that the professors were saying to us, but all that stuck out to me were all the harsh words, the tough criticism, and my mind kept flashing back to the word failure.

I have, since high school, identified myself as an artist. I guess you could say that being an artist has been part of my identity... it's been something I have not ever been able to separate from "who I am" and "who I want to be". My success, how others view my artwork, and positive feedback has boosted my ego... and criticism and doubt has both crushed it and made me eager to counter the negative feedback. So, to hear these harsh words come from my professors and advisors, this was not just a reality check, but it seemed like a crush against part of my identity. I mean, I am MAJORING in art, and to hear that I might be poorly representing the department? Ouch.

At church, we are going through a nine-week series on the "Gospel-Centered Life." Coram Deo is huge on making sure that we, as Christians, aren't just going through the motions, but that everything we do is keeping the true Gospel at the forefront. That after we accept and believe fully in the Good News of Jesus Christ, that we are growing in our awareness of both God's holiness and of our sinfulness. This past week, Bob Thune, the pastor, went through the Meta-Narrative of history: Creation --> Fall --> Redemption --> Consummation. These are some of the main points that Bob made throughout his sermon... I hope you see the connection I am trying to make and why I was so moved this week by God's words spoken through Bob:

- We have to recognize both the beauty and the good of the world as well as the broken and the bad.

- Truth and meaning are NOT accidental.

- Genesis 1: CREATION. Our identity comes from GOD. He created us in His image and we were made in His likeness. He gives us instruction on what we are going to do with our lives... our purpose.

- FALL: From the fall and because of our sin, we are cursed and separated from God. We naturally want to find acceptance and approval, but we look to other means. EVERYTHING WE DO IS A QUEST FOR PURPOSE, RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND IDENTITY OF WHICH WE LOST IN THE FALL. We think, "How can I make a difference? Make a name for myself?"

- We have a natural desire to measure up... finding ways to define our identity. (Career, relationships, what we are not, etc...)

- We live in what Tim Keller calls a MERITOCRACY. That achievements "prove" our value... but they never will because they are finite things we often look to.

- Pretending (thinking we are better than we actually are) and performing (earning God's approval through what we do) are religious expressions of a longing to measure up.

- REDEMPTION: The GOOD NEWS quenches that thirst

- Two Gospel Truths:

1. Passive Righteousness (Romans 1:16-17) and 2. Adoption (Galatians 4:4-7)

Righteousness is NOT from US but from GOD and we do not have to labor for His righteousness because of faith. We ARE good enough. God adopted us into His family. It is possible to be people without a name to us, without a connections or bond with others... believing in the Gospel means turning from works righteousness and turning from trying to make a name for myself.

REALLY? An entire sermon about Identity, the theme of my art thesis, and just the points I was trying to make in my paper? Wow, God. Awesome. But not only that, but that God was speaking DIRECTLY to me with these words and this sermon. It was not only a reflection on what my thesis is all about, but what I am all about. I have been talking about the importance of Identity and understanding fully that our identity comes from GOD but I have not been living this way. I have been trying to measure up to the standards of my professors and the Creighton art department... I have been putting my sense of self-worth in my art - not in being a child of God, Christ's beloved. My identity is NOT in art. HE is the one who is righteous... NOT me. My identity is NOT in this art show. Yes, it is important, but it is not the ends and means of who I am. My identity is not in meeting deadlines. My identity IS in Christ... so if I succeed, then AWESOME, but if not, that doesn't mean I am a failure or that God loves me less.

It's hard living in a world that stresses so much on "making a name for ourselves"... but that's the reality of it. I am just blessed that God reminded me of HIM before I let the results of the art show meeting effect everything I felt about my worth and my abilities as an artist. I am His.

The Educated Baker.

Steven Kelly, a good friend of mine who I went to Creighton with for all four years of undergrad, is an amazing person. With drive, positivity, ambition, knowledge, and compassion, Steve is starting his own business... The Educated Baker.

It is a bakery that consists of a mentoring program for entrepreneurial driven youth in Omaha, ultimately aiming to serve the Omaha community. This bakery, as of now, will be making natural Chicken pot pies and hopes to soon possibly make scones.

I am amazed by my friends... especially my friends from Creighton. They are just INCREDIBLE people. They are so compassionate and genuinely care about people. To me, what they do, truly is an example of Christ-like living. Thanks for being such hard, dedicated workers... especially you, Steve.

CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE!: THE EDUCATED BAKER

BFA ART SHOW. IMPORTANT CHANGE.

For all of you who are planning on attending the opening reception of my BFA Art Thesis Exhibition, it is no longer November 19 but is now OCTOBER 29.

That would suck if you showed up on the 19th... no one would be there.

And no, you cannot see my art work beforehand. If you can't be at my show, I'll post pictures on here and on facebook so you can see my work. It's a secret.

Pet Peeves

I am normally a pretty laid back person and not a lot of things bother me... but the few things that do bother me, REALLY bother me. Those pesky little pet peeves that everyone has just KILL me when people are doing them. I try to stay cool, but it is just insanely hard sometimes. If you are looking for ways to really bug me, here are some of my pet peeves:

1. When people blow their noses near food. Kleenex in the kitchen? NO WAY. If you blow your nose around me when I am eating or in a space that has food, I completely lose my appetite, and honestly, I feel like I am going to vomit. Here's a little piece of advice for you... GO TO THE BATHROOM. Please and thanks.

2. When people leave their blinkers on after they've already changed lanes. One time, on my way home from Omaha, a man on I-80 passed a semi, put on his blinker, and got back into the right lane... but forgot to take his blinker off... for 25 minutes... I got so annoyed I decided to pass him, even though he was already going pretty fast and well over the speed limit. I just couldn't handle it. And then I got pulled over for speeding. Stupid cop. I know, some blinkers are super quiet, but double check and make sure you turn yours off if you are driving around with me.

3. People who don't wear camisoles or undershirts when their shirts are see-through. I don't want to see your leopard print bra or fratty tattoo through your thin, white t-shirt. Wear something underneath.

4. 'Honor student' bumper stickers... or anything that says, 'My golden retriever is smarter than your honors student'. Sorry, but that's not true at all. And I don't care if your 3rd grader is an honors student... they are in third grade and it's really not that impressive.

Those are the main ones as of now. Other things don'y bother me too much... unless it's winking... I can't handle winking.

Please avoid 1-4 when you are with or around me. Thanks.

Arts Farts Smarts.

So I am back in Omaha... for good.

I have been going on different trips and mini vacations throughout the summer, but now, until school starts at the end of this month, I am here. You know what that means? Yes ladies and gentlemen, it means I need to get crack-a-lackin' on my art show. I have been working on my paintings throughout the summer, but honestly, I haven't been disciplining myself to work that hard or that much. I would sleep in, make excuses not to go into the studio, be lazy, or substitute working time for hang out time with friends. Now? My procrastination is kind of biting me in the butt. I am stressed about my show, but not trying to let myself seem stressed. I know I have SO much work to do and really not that much time. The next 3 months are going to kick me reallllllllll hard. Uh oh.

Well, be proud, because I officially finished my first piece for my show. For my style of art and the way I use the media, I work on numerous pieces simultaneously so that there is plenty of drying time and layering. Yesterday, my advisor came in while I was working, pointed at one of my pieces and said, "Don't touch it." I got so pumped. I am currently in the middle of like 6 pieces, but it feels good to get one out of the way. Now, only (at least) 11 more to go. Yikes. I definitely need some prayer... bahahaha.

Reminder.

I'm a really forgetful person. I'm the type of woman that puts her glasses on and five minutes later spends 15 minutes looking for them. The type of woman who walks into a room and forgets why she went there in the first place. Forgetting to write thank you notes or sending out birthday cards. Forgetting to call people back or forgetting to give back something I borrowed. I need to do more sudoku or something to exercise my brain so I'm not a vegetable when I'm 70.

Not only am I forgetful with the little things, but I tend to be forget with the bigger things too. I frequently forget how blessed I truly am. How fortunate I am to have the family and friends that I do. Being blessed with an amazing education at an awesome school and having the support of so many around me. Not always acknowledging how great the church I attend is or how awesome the students in the youth group are. Forgetting how much God actually loves me and how He is truly pursuing me at all times. It's easy for us to weaken our faith. God is always good and always loving and always gracious, but it's so easy to believe the lies that tell us we are not good enough, that we can't do much good for the kingdom, that we are giftless and have nothing to offer, that we cannot be redeemed from our sins. That we will fail and be left rejected by everyone.

Last week, I attended CIY:Move, a Christian conference in Missouri geared for high school students. I was a leader/sponsor last year for CIY, and it was great. Loved every moment of it... but not gonna lie, this year DOMINATED last year. I have been helping out with the high school youth group at Stonebridge for almost two years (wow, time has just flown by) and this is by far the best experience I have had with that group of kids. Before the trip, I was kind of down. When working with youth and in ministry, sometimes it gets really easy to forget why you are there. I know I am there for the kids, but when small group lessons are not getting through to the students, when they all get snappy attitudes, when only 5 people show up for youth group, it is easy to question whether or not it's even worth it sometimes. I am for sure my worst critic... when I feel like I am strong at something and when it doesn't go the way I planned or isn't as good as I expected that something to be, I get pretty down on myself and frustrated. I question a lot and I tend to beat myself down. That's what I have been doing off and on for the past year in the youth group. I consider myself to be pretty good at relationships, especially with youth... building them and strengthening them. So, when no one would come to youth group or none of the students wanted to really talk to me, I took that so personally and wondered, "What am I doing wrong?" I doubted God's work in their hearts. HOW SELFISH OF ME? Well, before CIY, I wasn't that excited to go. I figured it would be fun, but I kind of pushed the possibilities of change, renewal, grace, forgiveness, and love out the window.

But like I said, this year was INCREDIBLE. God over and over and over again continued to reveal himself in the craziest of ways. Right from day one, my small group dug deep into the topic of truth and the students were talking, asking questions, and really trying to understand why Christians believe what they do. I have never seen such philosophical and theological questioning by these students ever before. From that first small group meeting to the last, our group grew pretty close. The students were so open and honest with one another, quick to encourage and give their own advice and wisdom, and the Gospel really seemed to sink in. They truly were pursuing the message and eager to grow, change, and learn. This was a very encouraging reminder that high school students really DO want to know truth, experience grace, be an influence, and endure through the challenges that being a Christian entails.

Youth group time was the same way. Even though day one was just goofy and kind of off topic, after that, our youth group time became pretty serious. Kids got more emotional than I have ever witnessed before. They built each other up in ways that I never thought I would see. They were learning from each evenings' service (speaker and worship included... which I was NEVER disappointed with... SO good!) and not hesitant to share what they were learning. It was SO obvious that God was in that place. That he was moving their hearts and breaking their walls down. As I watched each student become more vulnerable during the week, that broke my heart and I could not help but PRAISE the LORD. I was so filled with joy. Seeing students step up as leaders and as students decided to become workers for the kingdom. It was not only a reminder of how GREAT the youth group is and how thankful I am for being a part of it, but a greater reminder of how GREAT God is. How even though I forget His unwavering passion and love for us, He will prove himself present and sovereign. Even though I may get down when things don't always go the way I thought they might, that I should endure and continue, because if I am doing the work for HIS glory and not my own, then He will reveal Himself in HUGE ways. This crazy week was a very needed reminder of God's character... and I hope and pray that I don't ever forget it.