Vision of You.

Worship is such a powerful thing. Not just in song, but in prayer and in lifestyle. Worship is something we should constantly be doing every single day. I feel like God has really been teaching me a lot about worship recently...

He has been slowly revealing to me the importance of putting aside my own desires and taking a moment to listen to him. Taking that time to praise HIM for all of the blessings he has given me and put in my life. It has been recognition of my 'smallness' (not height, ha), and HIS Greatness. Letting HIM sink deep into my heart so that I truly recognize His Grace, Power, and Love. Worship, for me, has become less of me giving something, like a song or a work of art, back to Him, but it is a public and private declaration of His Beauty and Power over anything and everything Human. Letting Him truly come into our lives and willingly having Him change our hearts...

Too often, I sing worship songs, pray, and read my Bible without really inviting Him to come into my heart and change me. Sometimes, I think I am afraid of change. Or, if I want change, I try to change the course of my life and my heart on my own... and every time I do this, I am unsuccessful. Why? Because He is the only one who can change us.

One of my friends, Derek, introduced me to this song. Shane and Shane have a beautiful way of both captivating an audience with their AMAZING talents while also staying rooted in the Gospel and inviting the LORD to come invade their hearts and lives (and reminding viewers to do the same).

Take a moment. Listen to this song. Truly worship.

Wichitawful Weather

On Friday, my Spring Break FINALLY started. I had been waiting for this time away from student teaching for awhile! Originally, I was planning on just staying in Omaha and sleeping in, relaxing, and doing absolutely nothing, but my sister Amanda and I decided to go to Wichita to visit my other sister Jackie. Well, Amanda got to Wichita on Friday but I couldn't head down until Saturday morning. I had heard warnings of weather problems, but wasn't too concerned.

Saturday morning, I woke up at 5 am, was out the door and on the road by 5:30 and was on my way to Kansas. Well, all the way through Nebraska, the weather wasn't too bad. Cold and windy, but nothing too severe. Literally, as I crossed the state border into Kansas, mother nature turned a 180. It was SEVERE winds, with rain/sleet/snow, and ICE on EVERYTHING. At one point, I was going 30 in a 70. I was being really careful the entire way.

Once I passed through Topeka, I got onto the new highway I needed to transfer to. I was on the highway for about 10 or 15 minutes, weather still SUCKING, when a semi in the right lane started merging into the left... right next to where I was driving. If I hadn't braked, that semi would have slammed me right into the median. I braked, hit ice, started swerving, then lost control, spun around a couple times, and ended up in a ditch on the right hand side of the highway... in a foot of slush and mud.

It was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. Luckily, after waiting an hour and a half for AAA to come rescue me, they pulled me out of the mud, looked at my car, and didn't see very much damage. I was able to continue my drive to Wichita, still able to see my sisters. I am so thankful this incident wasn't more serious than it was. I am thankful that there wasn't a car in the lane next to me or that the semi didn't actually hit me. I am thankful that I am okay and that I was able to see my sisters this past weekend. Gosh... I am going to be WAY more careful about when I travel from now on... Any sign of weather hazards and I'm staying where I'm at.

Daily Devotionals... Just what I need

I really enjoy to read. I never like reading books that I know I HAVE to read, but when it comes to reading for fun and reading a book of my choice during free time, it's one of my favorite things to do. Lately though, I haven't really felt like I have had much time to read. With student teaching, youth group, and work, I feel like I rarely even have time to just sit.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned how I just feel overwhelmed and incredibly busy all of the time... barely having time for myself let alone my friends, family, and most importantly, God. I also mentioned how down, sad, and heartbroken I have felt lately... how alone I have felt on a consistent basis.

For my birthday, one of the other female youth sponsors, Jackie, gave me a women's devotional book... one page devos for every day of the year. I was really excited about this, because it was something that was easy and would not take too much time, but something that I feel would also benefit my personal relationship with Christ. Well, the devos for yesterday and today stuck me pretty hard.

Here they are:

1. TOO BUSY: Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. (Romans 12:11-12)

Has the busy pace of like robbed you of the peace of mind that should be yours as a result of your relationship with Jesus Christ? If so, you are simply too busy for your own good. Through His Son Jesus Christ, God offers you a peace that passes human understanding, but He won't force His peace upon you; in order to experience it, you must slow down long enough to sense His presence and His love. Today, as a gift to yourself, to your family, and to the world, slow down and claim the inner peace that is your spiritual birthright: the peace of Jesus Christ. When you ask, it will be given to you.

Prayer: Dear Lord, when the quickening pace of life leaves me with little time for worship or for praise, help me to reorder my priorities. When the demands of the day leave me distracted and discouraged, let me turn to Jesus for the peace that only He can give. And then, when I have accepted the spiritual abundance that is mine through Jesus Christ, let me share His message and His love with all who cross my path.

2. WHEN IT'S HARD TO BE CHEERFUL: Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. (2 Cor. 13:11)

On some days, as every woman knows, it's hard to be cheerful. Sometimes, as the demands of the world increase and our energy sags, we feel less like cheering up and more like tearing up. But even in our darkest hours, we can turn to God, and he will give us comfort. Few things in life are more sad, or, for that matter, more absurd, than a grumpy Christian. Christ promises us lives of abundance and joy, but He does not force His joy upon us. We must claim His joy for ourselves, and when we do, Jesus, in turn, fills our spirits with His power and His love. When we earnestly commit ourselves to the Savior of mankind, when we place Jesus at the center of our lives and trust Him as our personal Savior, He will transform us, not just for today, but for all eternity. Then we, as God's Children, can share Christ's joy and His message with a world that needs both.

_____________________________

I know that these devos are designed to be very general and non-specific so that they can reach out to all the women reading them no matter what situation they are in, but I can't help but acknowledge the placement of these devos in my life at this right time. I mean really? One after the other focused on business and the need to be joyful? I find these devos to be a blessing, a small "God wink" or reminder of where HE is guiding my heart... He desires me to fully seek Him and although this isn't the means to the end, he is helping guide me back to the right path.

I need little reminders now and again so that my priorities are straight. So thankful.

Slam Poetry and the Power of Words

Remember the power of words, the forgotten people, and how love has a bigger impact than we ever think it does.

Check out: To Write Love On Her Arms

New Art

I haven't really had time to make much art lately... it's kind of driving me crazy. I have been doing a few sketches here and there and I finished a couple of small scale pen and ink pieces, but nothing too substantial. I am really looking forward to getting into the studio a lot this summer and just going to town on those canvases.

This summer and this fall, I will be working on and completing my BFA Studio Art (painting and drawing) degree. I know it's going to be a lot of work and I know how much I have to still do, but I am so ecstatic for this happen. I have always been a little self-conscious about my art, just because I always feel I can improve it somehow. But this show will be a show of my best works... works that represent WHO I am as an artist. That's a lot of pressure, but I am 100% up for the challenge...

Until I can paint and draw some more, I posted a few new pictures of my art from last semester and such on the sidebar below my little music/ipod thing, so check them out and let me know what you think.

Speedy 8 Weeks and a Heart that Weeps.

Friday was my last day of student teaching in the Elementary schools. To my surprise, I am really heart-broken over this...

Going into student teaching, I was SO nervous about being in the elementary schools because I never had teaching experience with younger kids. I had always done my school observations in middle schools. Well, after eight weeks of being thrown into the pits of baby talk, poop on floors and in urinals, paint on EVERYTHING I own, being hit on by 6th grade boys, and tears galore, I find myself deeply saddened by the fact that I left. Harrison Elementary (in particular) has a piece of my heart... and I will miss all those kids more than I ever anticipated to. As I was walking out the doors of the school on Friday afternoon, it hit me. I wasn't teaching them anymore. Even though I plan to visit occasionally, I may never see most of those kids ever again. I started to cry. And when I got into my car? Weeping. I never thought I’d get that emotional over leaving, but I was wrong.

I will miss their enthusiasm for art, their adorable little faces as they smiled and walked into the art room, their hugs and little cards they made me just for the heck of it, and their overall positive attitudes.

I formed really good relationships with a lot of the kids. Being with them everyday for eight weeks helped me get to know their strengths, their weaknesses, and their personal lives. Seriously, if you give a kid just a little bit of your time and love, they will spill EVERYTHING. Sometimes, I feel like I found out too much about their personal lives… especially in regards to their family situations. Abuse, neglect, you name it. I learned through all this how important it was to love those children and give them your heart. Some children are so unloved – some parents could really care less about their kids. I tried my best to love them with everything I had. I wish I could have just told them how much God loves them. Teaching in the elementary school went SO far beyond me just teaching little kids art… it became a form of outgoing love and a giving up of myself. I learned more than just how to manage a classroom full of 25 kids, but how to selflessly approach their needs, encourage them, and truly care for them.

I started my student teaching time in middle school today. I know these next eight weeks are going to be pretty difficult on me emotionally (I have already witnessed a fist fight in the classroom… on my first day… awesome). Just pray for wisdom, strength, and encouragement. Pray that I will be able to relate to these middle schoolers, meeting them where they are at and forming strong relationships with them as well. Pray that I will stay strong, especially when I am being pushed and tested by those mouthy adolescents.

Student teaching has been more trying than I ever imagined. It is so bittersweet… I love it and hate it at the same time. Carolyn, my best friend who is also student teaching, explained it perfectly, “I love student teaching. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But is it the most miserable thing I have ever done? Yes.” While all my friends are enjoying their last semester in college, I feel like I have been forced into adulthood early. I feel like I have been working up to this point for 4 years, and now that I am here, it scares me. It freaks me out how invested I need to be… how selfless I need to be. I literally put all of my energy into encouraging, supporting, and aiding these kids. Unless you student teach, you won’t EVER understand how it feels. It’s hard, REALLY hard. Don’t ever have an attitude of “Those who can’t do, teach”… I’d like to see those people manage a classroom of 27 kindergartners or 19 7^th graders… you wouldn’t last a week. I wish I could talk to my friends about how I am feeling and what this experience is like, but I know that they won’t fully understand. They don’t know what it’s like to feel physically and emotionally exhausted 24/7. Most days, all I want to do is sleep. It’s hard, because I only have a couple more months with some of these people at Creighton and I desperately want to hang out with them and strengthen those relationships. Sleep or hang out? Welcome to the never ending question. I just feel very alone and very on my own right now because I know how hard it is for people to fully understand where I am coming from.

For my dear friends who are reading this: I am drained and I’m sorry if I haven’t been investing enough time in you. I am sorry I have put our relationship on the backburner. I will try harder… but I want you to understand that this is where I need to be right now. I need to be investing my time in these children. I need to be student teaching. Forgive me, but be patient. Try to understand where I am coming from and know that I care for you. Being an adult is hard.

I really do love student teaching, so I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m complaining. I’m not. This experience has just thrown me into experiences I underestimated. Pray for me. Encourage me. Be patient with me. Question me. Talk with me.

... And it's onto #3!

GREAT NEWS.

In September, I posted about how I completely finished my first journal and how that was a HUGE thing for me. Well, I also talked about how I was starting a new journal... and guess what? Last night, I finished that second journal. I now have two full journals of writings!

I still don't know how else to express how big this is for me.

I know, I know, to some, a year and a half later and only two journals filled in might not seem like very much. But for someone who procrastinates as much as I do, for how forgetful I am, with the love-hate relationship I have for writing, and with how much I used to struggle with investigating my own life, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, and reflecting on my relationship with the LORD, two full journals of these writings amazes me.

It's a slow process, but God is revealing a lot to me. He has given me persistence. He has enabled me to be more intentional about examining who I am and my identity in Christ. He has pushed me to lead a more prayerful life... one that records and is kept accountable.

I still have a lot of growing and learning to do. I still have a long way to go in my journaling endeavors... but I am excited to be emerged in this process. To have written evidence of change, of strengths, of weakness and areas of growth, and notes of prayers and special sermons. Of what I have learned and where He is leading me.

Pray that with this third journal, I am able to continue growing and learning.

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers over the past year and a half.