Always Forever

I am a decently emotional individual.

I am very driven by emotion... I would say this is both a blessing and a curse. I cry during movies, during the occasional commercial (yeah... don't ask), but most of all, I am moved by music.

Songs inspire me. They make me pause to think about what is going on in my life. They make me wonder, think, and question. They are one of the key driving forces for when I paint and draw... I just blast my iPod stereo and go to town. I often find myself, after or during a really good song, just completely moved to tears. Sometimes, I am almost breathless. Meaningful lyrics combined with the beautiful playing of harmonies and melodies give me goose bumps.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of... "soul searching". I don't really like using this term, but I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like I have a pretty good concept as to who I am, but more recently, I have been trying to really dig down deep to figure out my identity in Christ. I have been extremely convicted of my sins recently, and have experienced that guilt. A guilt for not always trying to get rid of my sin. A guilt for sometimes feeling apathetic about my faith. A guilt for not always living the life that God desires me to live. But after that guilt, I have confessed and felt the overwhelming grace of God. I know He loves me, My Beloved, and no other will love me as much as he does. That is something that I am trying to be driven by every single day. Looking to Him and putting Sin in my life to death (Colossians 3:1-6). I know I still have a lot to learn and experience... and I am excited for when God puts opportunities in front of me. I am excited to learn more about Him and to find complete peace in whatever ways He works in my life. Please pray for me.

Here is a song by the Jordan Howerton Band that has kind of been my theme song over the past week or so... such a good reminder that HIS love will never fail. I just need to embrace Him and his overflowing love for me. For us. It has moved me to tears every single day... probably because I am recognizing and being moved by the truth that God is speaking through Jordan Howerton (and his gorgeous voice... but that's beside the point... ;) )

ALWAYS FOREVER (I REALLY suggest you buying this song on iTunes and listen to all the lyrics... seriously though... it's worth much more than $0.99)

Beauty in the Mundane... in the Average and Everyday Somethings.

I love people -- How unique everyone is and our ability to form relationships and bonds over the tiniest details of life. I love that we celebrate crazy holidays and have a variety of traditions. I love the way people interact on a daily basis... hugs, kisses, and such (Dan Morse shout out? Yes.) I love how we are moved by art, wether visual or audio. I love our abilities to read others and express emotion.

Most of all, I think I love how people pleasantly surprise me through their love, kindness, and unselfishness. I think a lot of people are underestimated in their abilities and strengths. To often, the small, yet meaningful things people contribute to society, to families, or to an individual, are looked past. Something I am experimenting and trying to work on is getting to know people on a deeper and more personal level... the man bagging my groceries, the custodian at the school I am student teaching at, the girl at 13th street who makes me coffee, or even some of my closest friends. I am purposefully trying to initiate personal conversations with the hopes that they will lead to a means of greater understanding and appreciation of one another. It doesn't always work, but those few times when it does, it's totally worth it. I want to acknowledge the things these people offer to the world... my world... even if they are slight, or even what some might say insignificant. I'm just trying to open my eyes to the beauty in things that may seem mundane or unrecognizable.

Here are some recent beautiful moments I have encountered with average, everyday people.

Ms. Anne Chapman - Special Education Teacher at Adams Elementary School:

This woman is the definition of a rock star. She spends hours upon hours with young children that have serious cognitive and physical disabilities and she never complains. She changes diapers of 5-9 year olds on a daily basis. I saw her interacting with her students today and I was reminded of a person's true unselfishness. She's not married, never had kids, but from day one of her teaching career, these kids have been her family. She whips them into shape... and the kids LOVE her. Unfortunately, she is retiring next year. She helps me have greater faith and hope in the future of the educational system.

Kelly - Customer Service girl at Best Buy:

My new digital camera I got for Christmas broke two days after Christmas when my sister knocked it out of my hand right onto a tile floor. We got a warranty on it, but when I took it to Best Buy, the Geek Squad told me that they could only really guarantee a service check... not an exchange. Luckily, after a couple of weeks, I got a call from Best Buy telling me I got approved for a camera exchange... but only for the amount of the camera when it was purchased. Well, we got the camera on sale, so if I wanted to get the same camera, I would have to pay the remaining amount... $70... ugh. Well, I decided to go for it since I really wanted the same camera and good quality. When I took all my paperwork up to Kelly at the customer service desk, she asked me what happened to my old camera. I explained the story and mentioned I was bummed that I had to pay for the remaining amount, but it was better than downgrading. She typed in all my paperwork and information into the computer, but never asked for my credit card. She handed me a receipt... and after seeing my confused face, she said, "I changed the price on the camera so you don't have to pay." "WHAT?! Seriously?" "Yeah, I mean, it was your Christmas present... it's not right you have to pay." Kelly, if we ever meet again, I owe you a HUGE hug... seriously though... you rock. Thank you for your patience when listening to me ramble about my unfortunate camera experience and being so understanding.

Dan Hemel (Custodian at Adams Elementary), Ava (old woman), Rick, and Jason (Construction workers):

Today, I got stuck in a driveway right outside the elementary school I student teach at. I was trying to turn around and this driveway (Ava's driveway) was pure ice. My tires were just spinning. The driveway unfortunately was one of those super steep ones that went down to a lower garage. Well, to make a long story shorter, I got stuck at the very bottom of this driveway. These men came and rescued me... after a lot of slipping, sliding, "towing", and fishtailing. Rick eventually was the one who got my car out of the driveway. I am SO thankful, because without their time and aid, my car would be stuck in Ava's driveway till April. OH, and Ava made me cookies 'cause she felt so bad. Yes, please.

My Gamma Phi Sisters:

Sorority Recruitment was aLL last week. There were a lot of stressful moments, but no matter what, we bonded together and worked through them. Everyone was so loving and supportive throughout this long process and it just reminded me of why I am a Gamma Phi. We aren't caddy, petty girls, but we truly love each other like sisters. We may not always agree and there will be stress, but first and foremost, we love each other, and nothing will ever change that. I am so lucky to be involved in such a great organization.

Josh Laughlin:

One of my best friends in Omaha... I just hope he feels the same way, ha. We try to meet every once and awhile to talk and catch up on life. He listens to my ridiculous stories, laughs with me, makes fun of me (all in good humor), and is always quick to encourage. Even though most of our conversation is spent laughing and telling stories, I am thankful for his genuineness in trying to get to know me better. He always asks me how things are going and I take that for granted sometimes. I appreciate it, Josh. I love that our conversations can be so fun but so meaningful at the same time. Cheesy, I know.

The Barista at Starbucks:

He was finishing his shift when I arrived the other night. I saw him taking all his tips from his jar... but instead of putting them into his wallet or pocket, we put every last penny into the Haiti relief donation container in the store. Baristas really don't make that much money... but instead of taking the tips he did make, his generous heart reached out to those in Haiti. Thank you for loving those people in that country, Barista.

Well, those are just a few of my most recent observations.

I am excited to see who else I will meet or get to know better this week.

Please do yourself a favor and listen to this song.

I'm obsessed.

Freaky video, but a FREAKING good song.

Purists... and Jesus.

Something you should know about my family is that we are pretty opinionated... especially in terms of things we know a lot about, what we think we may know a lot about, or what we are passionate about. If someone in my family disagrees with a statement, an article, or anything, someone is bound to speak up. Yeah... it ends up in a lot of fights... but I guess that is just 'Cavender' stubbornness running through our blood (One of my new years resolutions is to think more before I speak and be more considerate in my personal opinions when I express them to people who most likely disagree... whoo. Go me!).

Well, a couple of weeks ago (about), I was at a coffee shop with a few family members. Inevitably, two of the individuals get into a discussion about the environment and the political and economic effects. Well, this discussion quickly turned into a debate. Something else you should know about my family is that we GREATLY vary in our political, economic, environmental (etc...) perspectives. Well, this particular debate/discussion was about carbon emissions and reduction policies/acts. Family Member 1 (FM1) is extremely environmentally conscious and was distraught that the US has not taken initiatives to make significant CO2 emission reductions. Family Member 2 (FM2) knows a lot about economics and started talking about how the US doesn't take charge because of economic security- China and India, leading countries in the economic and financial race, haven't made significant political efforts to reduce CO2 emissions, no neither do we. After some back and forth talk and the conversation getting a little heated.

FM1's main statements/ideas were: Why can't the US just see that this is wrong? The earth is being destroyed and the US should stand up and make efforts to help change. They should choose what is right. FM2's main statements/ideas were: China and India control economically and the US recognizes that. They won't make individual decisions so they can stay in good relations or at least forward economically. That's just how the world works... that's just the way it is. Everything is controlled by money and power and politics.

FM1: "Well, that's not right."

FM2: "Well, that's just the way it is."

More heat. Examples and various scenarios are thrown at each other.

FM2: "Well, your ideas are just purist."

FM1: "Oh, absolutely they are."

FM2: "Well, they will never work."

This entire conversation, even though it was about economic and environmental policies, made me think beyond politics. I was convicted of more than just what the US should or should not do in terms of a CO2 Emission Act (ask me later for my real opinion). My heart and my thoughts, especially toward the end of the conversation, turned me to Christian thought and theology.

Here it goes: I consider myself to be a little more liberal and purist in my theology.

I believe love works. God IS Love. I believe that if we want to show others what being a Christian is all about, we need to first learn what love really is and then SHOW Christ's love to others. I believe that God's love truly moves hearts.

FM1's ideas rang so close to home for me. There are always going to be people around us (and people in the world) who find greater importance in worldly things (ex: financial stability). They aren't going to stand up for what might be right (ex: trying to reduce carbon emissions) because they are afraid that their well-being, their lives, their personal prosperity will be put at risk. The foundation "they" built might get rocky. They are too self-concerned and dare not tread the water of potential loss, uncertainty, or disfavor... even if it's the right thing to do. It's all about them.

I agree with FM2 though, don't get me wrong. The sad reality of our world is that it IS all about them. All about stability. And there is not much we can do to change that... BUT... why not TRY? Why be a follower (In this case, like the US)? Why are we too scared to step up for the good? Because favor might not be toward us and we may fail. Christians are persecuted, tormented, and told what to do by today's culture. Should Christians, followers of Jesus, a radical of His time, choose to follow or counter what culture tells us to do? I hope counter. I hope we stick up for what is right. I hope we see the world as purists... wanting to help make a difference in a broken and corrupted society and world. God made the world perfect... in HIS image... and it is Sin and corruption that changed it. Changed us. I would hope that in a tough situation I would follow Jesus and do what is right, even in I am unsure of the result. Even if I am the only one and it still fails, having the hope that the Lord will restore all things to the way he wants them... to the way He created them to be. I don't want to say, "Well, that's just the way the world is" and accept whatever is in front of me.

God called you and me to be different. To be radicals that stand up for something right. We should be purists in heart... understanding the sad, realistic aspects of our world but NOT accepting them. Knowing that things are broken, but doing all we can to be examples of Christ on Earth and show love to people. Having hope and finding truth in God's restorative power and His PURE love.

Like Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."