Wedding Season

(Insert instrumental music or 'Canon in D' here)

Yes, my friends.  It's that time of year... it's wedding season.

Ever since I graduated college, all I could see were engagement pictures here and big shiny rings there.  Last summer alone, I received six wedding invites.  This year, I already have seven weddings in my schedule. 

Last Friday was the launch of this wedding season - starting with my friend Ravi.  He is pretty much go big or go home, so naturally, he got married at a baseball stadium following an Omaha Stormchasers game.  This next weekend, one of my best friends, Lisa, gets married to another incredible friend, Jon.

As pricey as weddings are and as inconvenient the traveling can become, I must say that I LOVE WEDDINGS.  Especially right now... this year I get to witness three of my best friends say 'I Do' to the loves of their lives.  I am honored to be a part of their special days and to bear witness to their union. 

I love seeing the different personalities of the couple come out.
I love seeing the looks on both the Bride and Groom's faces when they see eachother.
I love hearing the vows and being reminded of the promises they are making.
I love how everyone wants to come around and support/love the couple.
I love the Father-Daughter dance.
I love hearing toasts.
I love dancing. Duh.

Yeah, there are a lot of things about weddings that I may not think are the best, but guess what? It's THEIR day.  So who cares?  And ultimately, although I love weddings, what I love even more comes AFTER the wedding... MARRIAGE. (Get your mind out of the gutter, sicko)

I cannot wait to see the ways God will work in these different marriages - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  But I am convinced there is not a more beautiful way to express God's love for us than by two whole people joining together and making that commitment to love each other and their Creator unconditionally.

Alright party people... let's go dance.

Back in the Game

So... I have only written one post in the year 2012. Pathetic.

I used to be pretty good at this, you know.  Writing, telling stories, giving updates, so on and so forth.

What happened?! Life. Life is what happened.  And forgetfulness. Not giving excuses - I am just telling the truth.

My first year of teaching is done and over and it was more challenging and pressing than I ever imagined.  Stressful? Absolutely.  Tons of work? Duh.  Fun and Exciting? Almost always.  Teaching is a hilarious job... I mean, I teach 700 kids how to do art... how can that NOT be fun?! Situating myself into this new "grown-up" position has definitely kept me occupied. That and always being the last one to leave school at night.  Yep, I have become that teacher.  Hopefully that will change over the new few years...

Well blogging world and followers... I am ready to get back in the game. The blogging game. Holler.

Blogging has a bad rep - it seems needy and little self-centered... 

"Look at how AWESOME my life is!" 

"Pay attention to my thoughts!"

"I have important ideas and have something great to contribute to this society."

I do not think that I have anything beneficial to contribute to the world that is particularly new or radical or "awesome" per-say.  I do not consider my life extraordinarily "AWESOME". When I write and when I blog, it is a means of just expressing and verbalizing experiences and ideas.  Do I expect responses? Nope.  Do I expect everyone to read?  Not at all.  Is it always about me? No... at least I HOPE not! But I do think there is beauty and validity in sharing life lessons and my heart with others - even through the means of technology.  Sharing is not a self-centered action.  Telling stories is not a self-centered action.  In all of my retelling and thoughts posted here on this blog, my aim is to ultimately turn it AWAY from me and onto the Lord. 

God has been doing some serious work on my heart over the past year and a half... ESPECIALLY since I have returned from New Zealand.  Most of it has been an internal process and adjustment - talking one-on-one with the Father and spending intimate time with Him.  However, I really have been feeling the weight of not processing my thoughts through writing and the importance of sharing that with others.

So... here we go. I'm BACK IN THE GAME. ('10 Things I Hate About You' anyone?)

7 Months Later...

I stop and think about my life almost seven months ago.  I was preparing to leave New Zealand - my home for the previous six months.  I vividly remember how afraid I was of leaving yet how excited I was to return back to the States.  I remember feeling broken-hearted to separate from the people who quickly became my family in Christchurch but eager to reunite with my blood-family.  I remember how nervous I was to come back and start a life all on my own.  I remember trying to keep a grasp on all the things I talked to my counselor about and all the reflection time I had.  I remember how desperate I was to not fall back into old patterns of living but completely trusting in the Lord to continue to strengthen and work in my heart in the States just as he changed me in New Zealand. 

I remember how stressful my flights back to the States were… having to pack and repack three times at the airport so I could get all my things home.  How I almost missed two out of my three flights (hearing your name being called throughout the airport for a “last call” is NOT a fun thing to experience).  I remember how unusually LONG the lines going through customs were in SanFran.  I remember how when I finally saw my family, I burst out in tears… not to mention my hysterical reaction to seeing my sister Jackie when she surprised me as my parents and I were basically walking out of the airport. 

I remember how WEIRD it was to be driving on the different side of the road again.  I remember crying spontaneously when we met Amanda and Elliot for dinner that evening because I was so sad to be back.  I remember still being on edge and jumping up every time I heard a creak in the floors or a rattle of a truck driving by because of the earthquakes.  I remember how much I just wanted to be back in NZ. 

I remember how sad and lonely I felt for months and months after my return.  Even with all the good and exciting things that have happened (like one of my best friends getting married and having a new job), I still could not get back to “normal”… whatever that means.  I remember just trying to talk about my experiences and tell stories but knowing that very few people were really THAT interested in hearing what I had to say – not a bash on those people, but just a realization that this journey to me was life-changing.  However, for the people around me, it was more so just a six-month time period I lived out of the country.  For them, life moved on.  To me, I felt like a part of me stopped when I left.

Fast forward seven months later and I realize that that isn’t true.  Nothing stopped when I left New Zealand.  Deep down I knew that, but the loneliness some days seemed to deep to bear.  Life was just different when I returned… not better or worse… just different.  The biggest thing to change? No one immediately around me could completely understand and empathize. Since I am an extremely relational person, that realization hurt more than anything else. 

Even though I have struggled with this for the past seven months, I cannot help but be joyful.  Why?  Because even though no one can relate to my experiences in a lot of ways, God has been so faithful.  Even when I was so sad and felt so disconnected when I got back, God continued to reveal to me how much He loves me.  When all I wanted to do was go back to NZ, God reaffirmed my return to the States and made my heart rejoice in the new opportunities He was opening up for me.

Too often, my heart and my desires do not reflect God’s.  I become consumed by my own longings and chasing after my own kingdoms, but I have to praise Him for reminding me of His promises… for HIS kingdom to come to earth and a new JOYFUL heart. Everyday, He is teaching me how to be faithful to Him just as He is to me everyday.  He is showing me how beautiful life is when I follow His will rather than my own.  How when I love people around me, I am loving Him.  He’s reminding me not to fear.  He’s reminding me to open my heart to new experiences here that are just as valuable as the lessons he taught me in New Zealand.

My new life in Omaha for the past seven months has been an adventure of it’s own.  My new job is incredible and fun and ridiculously harder than I ever imagined.  Living independently from my family and still trying to build those relationships from afar.  From friendships and relationships that I had before I left for New Zealand that diminished or completely ended to developing new friendships and relationships that I am so excited to see evolve and grow.  But most of all, my relationship with God. And my longing to learn more and more about Him… to fully experience His presence and see His character played out each and every day.  To come to Him with an open heart and to be wide open to the ways He is changing me on a daily basis.

Even though I miss New Zealand more than I can express fully in words, I am so excited to be living in Omaha again.  For the opportunities, for the relationships, and for the new things I am learning about myself, others, and about the Lord.