Laughter and Tears

I have been having a really good week.  Joe and Amy are back from vacation, so they have been giving me lots to do in the office, I am running and working out more (Zumba is STILL awesome), I am a part of two Bible studies - One I help lead and the other I attend as a learner/student, I have been getting to know more younger people at the church and hanging out with them on a weekly basis, and I have been spending a lot of late nights just talking and sharing stories with my host parents, Yo and Neil.

To be honest, my heart has completely shifted from what I felt last weekend.  Instead of loneliness, I feel like I have people here I can talk to and share life with.  Instead of singleness, I feel very much a part of many families here.  I feel that I belong more than I thought I did.  It's just one more example of how God just keeps proving to me how much bigger He is than anything else in this world.  He is bigger than these emotions and feelings of aloneness that we can get easily caught up in.  It's a reminder from Him to me that I am here and that I can and will build genuine relationships with these people.

I find myself to be more joyful now than I have been in the (almost) month I have been in NZ.  I find myself laughing more and just enjoying the company of others more.  I feel like I am more open about myself and my life.  God continues to remind me of the simple joys in just sharing little moments with people... For example:  Last night at Bible Study, a few of us stayed until 10:45 pm (after it started at 7) and just watched hilarious YouTube clips and told funny stories.  I don't remember the last time I laughed and cried that much.  It was refreshing to experience those feelings here... because now, I finally feel as if I am settling in more and better than I thought.

Thanks to everyone who has been encouraging me and praying for me this past week.

ReChurch Teaching

Hey all!

If you are interested in learning and reading about what ReChurch teaches every week, you should check out their blog, Rewind!

ReChurch Rewind

AWESOME!  New blog post soon :)

SINGLE American Female

(In honors of Valentine's Day, I thought I would write this post!  YAY! ...Actually, I did not intend to write this post on Valentine's Day... I actually meant to write it a few days ago but just haven't had the time to post... funny how things work out, right?  Well, it kind of corresponds well with the topic so I guess I will just take advantage of it.)

I loved my orientation days with ReChurch during my first week in ChristChurch.  I loved talking about the differences and similarities between American and Kiwi cultures.  I loved telling Hamish and Whitney about the observations I had already made in the short time I had been here.  I enjoyed learning more about the team and the origins of the church.  I also found such weight and appreciation in learning more about the values and core beliefs that ReChurch is built upon and by which they run.  It was all so exciting and new and I wanting to dive into it full force and just GO!  However... there was one aspect of the orientation that threw me off... something that bothered me just a little bit... it was the stress put on the fact that I came over to New Zealand as a single American female.

I understood the American part... I mean, there are a lot of American stereotypes out there, and I knew how important it was to NOT play into those stereotypes and really engage myself in the Kiwi culture.  I also understood the female part.  As a woman, I have certain responsibilities and in the kiwi culture, women play a very important role (Equality VERY VERY VERY important here... more stressed than anywhere I have ever been before).  Also, for safety reasons, making sure I am aware of my surroundings and boundaries for when I am doing community outreach work.  (There was also a hilarious mini-conversation about dating abroad, but I won't go into that now...)

But now segueing from dating:  This fact of my singleness being stressed threw me off.

This was essentially was Hamish and Whitney told me during orientation:
         There can be a lot more stress on someone who is single and going overseas.  Things like living arrangements, unspoken assumptions, work/identity issues, getting needs met, aloneness, relationships with the opposite sex, touch, and holidays.  I am the first staff member to have come overseas without a significant other or even without family being in the same country.  They wanted to make me aware that this situation may be more difficult than I anticipated.

It didn't make me mad or upset, but in my head, I was just thinking, Why is this such a big deal?  I know I have to take those things into consideration, but I have lived by myself for a long time, been single a long time, and have been away from home for long periods of time before.  I basically just assumed they were exaggerating a little bit.  To them, it probably seemed like a big deal because they just could not picture their lives in New Zealand without their significant others.  Being my typical stubborn self, trying to be all strong and independent.  It didn't last very long.

Last week, I got my first little dosage of homesickness  Not in a teary type way.  Not even in a "I don't like this place, I want to go home" type way.  It was just... well, really really odd.  Being 100% honest, I have never felt homesick before.  It's not that I don't love my family and friends and being home, I just feel like I have always coped really well with wherever I am at.  Not to mention, I am fairly social, so I like to go out and meet people.  So when I started to feel a little homesick, it threw me for a loop.  I didn't understand why, after two weeks, I was already feeling this way.  I was hoping I would have another good month or so before ANYTHING set in.  I sat down to think about why I was feeling this way... I journaled a lot and prayed and just spent time trying to figure out my emotions... and then it dawned on me... Hamish and Whitney were right... I AM SINGLE.

Except this time, I wasn't just thinking of singleness in an independent or dating/married type way.  I realized that singleness was manifesting itself in so many other ways...  For the first two weeks, I literally spent all my time with married couples, most of whom also had children.  As much as I adore my host family, all the staff members, and the various members of my Bible Study and ReChurch, I was literally around married couples, all of whom are older than me, and children.  (I got to know ONE college-aged boy a little - Hamish's brother-in-law - but he moved into the dorms at the University, so I haven't been able to see too much of him)  There was no one to just call up and meet up with for coffee without worrying about when their daughter/son needed to be fed.  There were no spontaneous, fun late nights out or just hang out times with some close girlfriends.  Then it hit me even harder when I paused to think a little more... no one here in New Zealand even really knows me.  I was literally alone.  Yes, I have incredible conversations with these couples and adore hanging out with all the different families and yes, we are still getting to know each other, however, I miss casually hanging out with other carefree singles and friends.  Even deeper and greater than this, I miss being loved and appreciated by the people back home who know me the best.  I missed being able to just call up a friend on a random night and finding something spectacular to do or some place to explore.  I miss that quality time with people I also know extremely well and love deeply in return.  It's not the fact that I am single, but moreso that I am struggling with singleness... aloneness.

The only thing I could think to do was read my Bible and pray.  I know that sounds cheesy and corny and super cliche, but it's the truth.  Too many times, I would wallow in self-pity and tears and just long for a comforting word from my family or a close friend.  But everyday, I am learning more and more about the Lord and about his character... about how loving, faithful, and present HE is, even when we feel alone. What better person to talk to and turn to other than Christ and His word, then?

One of my favorite passages in the entire Bible is Song of Songs 2:10-13.  Although it is supposed to be a book written by Solomon about a courtship between a young man and young woman (which I don't doubt), I can't help but think of this also as an allegorical narrative from God to us...

My beloved spoke and said to me,
   “Arise, my darling,
   my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
   the rains are over and gone.
 Flowers appear on the earth;
   the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
   is heard in our land.  

The fig tree forms its early fruit;
   the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
   my beautiful one, come with me.” 

Although it's so tempting to be sucked into loneliness and aloneness, I have to continually remind myself that even without the immediacy of a hug or a phone call from a friend, I am NOT in this adventure by myself.  I have to remember to respond to the call of the LORD and pray that He continues to draw me closer in relationship with Him.  This will allow me to have more fulfilling relationships and experiences here in NZ.  I am truly His Beloved.  I may be single but I am definitely not alone in the ways I started believing.

Thankfully, this past week has been really great in terms of getting to know more people.  I am starting to go to Zumba every week with my neighbor, Carrie, and I also met a group of younger Christians at church.  There is a group of seven of us that attend a pub/bar quiz night every Tuesday and was even able to meet up with a few for lunch on my day off.  God's super good. 

Hi... my name is... Agnes?

Have you ever seen 'Despicable Me'? If you haven't, YOU NEED TO.

Seriously, it's super hilarious.

I don't know why, but today (in particular), I am missing sisters a lot. I just am missing being able to call them when something awkward or hilarious happens to me. I miss hearing their voices and them giving me advice when I don't know what the heck I am doing with my life. They mean a lot to me... and even though we are so different from each other and don't always see eye-to-eye, Amanda and Jackie have always been and will always be my biggest supporters and protectors. I just love them a lot.

So, how does this relate to 'Despicable Me'? Well, Elliot and Amanda got it for Christmas but none of us had seen it before. I was going over to their apartment to hang out before I left for NZ and Amanda and Elliot were telling me a little bit about the movie, suggesting we should watch it. Amanda said, "Beth, seriously, the three girls in the movie, the three sisters, they are totally you, me, and Jackie." I look over at Elliot and he is nodding his head in complete agreement. I could not resist, I HAD to see this.

My family has very distinct personalities.. especially my sisters and I. Once I watched the movie, I could not help but die of laughter thinking about my childhood and picturing Amanda as the oldest sister, Jackie as the middle, and me as the youngest, Agnes (Also, which is funny, because the birth order was correct too).

I found a couple of clips of the youngest... do you agree?








Anyways - Just thinking about you today, sisters...

Love and miss you.

Earthquakes and the Scares around CC

As most of you know, ChristChurch was hit with a 7.1 magnitude level earthquake back in September.  Interestingly enough, this was the same magnitude of the earthquake that did so much damage in Haiti not too long ago.  It's crazy to look at the differences from news coverages and pictures online; All of us know how destructive the earthquake in Haiti was... thousands of people died and buried under rubble.  Basically, the entire area was left in ruins and had to be (and still has to be) rebuilt.  So so sad.  Now, if you look at pictures from the earthquake that hit ChristChurch in September, you will see damage, yes, but "nothing" in comparison to the damage done in Haiti.  No deaths were recorded.  Buildings were hit pretty hard and a couple even fell down... but again, for the most part, no one was hurt and everything looked okay.  Goes to show the differences between a 1st and 3rd world country in terms of engineering and construction.

After being here for two weeks, I have been able to see some the damage from that earthquake just four months ago... most of the damage, however, goes so much deeper than the cosmetic.

Driving down the streets, houses and buildings look normal and perfectly fine for the most part.  Some of the roads are getting redone because of some huge cracks through the concrete and manholes actually protruding out of the ground.  In downtown ChristChurch, a few buildings fell down and were destroyed (one being a brothel, so to be honest, I can't be too sad about that one).  But if you look even closer, you will notice yellow or red flyers on a number of the houses... Why is that?  Yellow flyers indicate that a house is temporarily okay to live in, but it will eventually, with notice and time, get torn down because there is enough damage done to the foundation that there needs to be reconstruction.  Red flyers indicate that any inhabitants were removed from the house/building immediately and that it is uninhabitable resulting in it being torn down as soon as possible.  So although things might look decent on the outside, the foundations of these houses and buildings are completely destroyed.  Take a closer look and you can actually see that houses have literally shifted off their original foundations and just how many people are having to relocate and move because of one earthquake.

You can also see the damage of that earthquake in the people themselves.  People are scared and have nightmares.  I was talking to one woman at church and she told me that her daughter can't even sleep by herself anymore because she is afraid of another earthquake hitting.  It's sad to see so many people so emotional and grief-stricken by this.

Personally, I have already felt three earthquakes.  The biggest one I felt which was also the first one, was a 4.6 magnitude... I was at home on Friday night talking to some friends and all of a sudden, the house felt like it was rolling on marbles back and forth... at first, I thought my vision was going really shaky... but then I quickly realized I had just experienced my first earthquake.  Since then, I have felt just a couple smaller ones that last just a couple seconds.

In fact, New Zealand has at LEAST one aftershock earthquake every day.  It might not be in ChristChurch, but still... at least one earthquake a day, when, before the one in September, no earthquakes were even recorded in this country.  Super crazy.  Just pray for people and a mental ease as they live each day.  Pray that they will not fear the tremors.  Pray that people would rejoice in the fact that God is not giving people more than they can handle.  Pray that people can be thankful that most of the damage is done to material things and that no one was injured or killed.

Personally, I think earthquakes are super interesting, but then again, I have never felt a 7.1 and hope I never have to!

Bruce

I am just finishing my first week of work at the ReChurch offices... and it has been AWESOME.

Right now, all my tasks and assignments have been really fun and enjoyable: writing up reports about cultural observations (aka: going around town and people watching... it's what I do BEST!), making crafts and props for the music class that is starting in less than two weeks, and reading a really great book called No Perfect People Allowed by John Burke.  It has been so fun getting out of the house and wandering around town and just observing everything and everyone around me...

... Today was special... Today, I met Bruce.

As soon as I got off the bus, I headed over to get a coffee before work at Coffee Culture, a delicious cafe right around the corner from the office.  As I was waiting for my coffee, I look behind me, and there was a middle-aged man sitting in the booth closest to me.  It ALMOST turned into one of those awkward moments where we both were caught looking at each other, until I noticed what he was doing in the booth... He was drawing people.

I just looked at him and said, "Wow... those are BEAUTIFUL drawings..."

The most expected American response would be, "Thank you" and then the person would just continue to draw without much more recognition.  How do I know this?  Because that's exactly what I would have done. Kiwi's, however, are clearly NOT Americans... Bruce's response?  A motion to sit across from him.  He moved all of his drawing tools and papers aside to give me room to share his space.

Looking at him, one at first glance might categorize him as, well, "creepy"... loads of tattoos spreading across his arms, long wavy blond hair, heavier set, and obviously had been living out of a suitcase for a long time... it probably didn't help that he looks at people SO intensely.  Almost too intensely at first, you might think, but as soon as I got talking with him, I realized how gentle his spirit was and how genuinely friendly and NOT creepy he was...

We got talking about all his art work - drawings of people and graphite portraits.  I commented on his technique and the softness of it all... he, like a Kiwi, humbly denied this, and just said, "I need more practice."  He told me he had been drawing for over ten years, mostly with graphite and charcoal, but hopes to move into color when he can afford to get some really good pastels.  We talked about life drawing classes, the beauty of imperfections on the human body, and how we both love to draw eyes.  He admitted to me, "A lot of people think I'm a bloody molester... but in reality, I am just studying faces and eyes because I am wondering in my head how they would look on paper in black and white."  It broke my heart to hear that he felt judged, but at the same time, I affirmed him in his thoughts and told him I actually often think the same thing when I see or meet someone interesting... that I, too, would like to draw them.

What started as a quick note of praise turned into a 35 minute discussion about life and art.  I completely forgot about getting to work... and on my way out, He introduced himself, "I'm Bruce" (I thought he said 'Boss' at first, which would have been AWESOME) and I told him my name.  I also told him that I hoped I would see him around more.  Which I really truly do hope.

I love meeting people unexpectedly and just 100% enjoying their company and presence.

Life is good.