My Dad and His Journey with AML

In 2000, my Dad got news of low counts of white and red blood cells in his body.  He struggled getting those counts back up, but eventually, they were at normal levels and his health seemed to be better than perfect.  My family was ecstatic.

About a month or so ago, I got a 'not so good' phone call from my parents.  My Dad had more blood and bone marrow tests done to make sure his counts were still up.  Instead of the positive results we were all hoping for, they told him that he had leukemic mircoblasts in his blood and bone marrow.  He was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML).  This 'not so good news' is the understatement of understatements in my life.

I found myself unable to gather any thoughts or words.  I was blank for a good ten minutes or so until I just broke down.  I remember that I was driving back from running errands at school and after I hung up the phone, I just kept driving.  I didn't want to walk back on campus.  I needed silence and I just wanted to drive and drive and drive and drive.  I eventually called a few people to tell them.  I didn't want any advice or for people to say anything; All I wanted was for people to listen.  I just wanted to vent and cry and know that those I love are there.  "I don't know what to say..." people would tell me.  I replied, "I don't expect you to say anything... I just needed to talk..."  

At first, it was minor, but since his diagnosis, it has been spreading faster than we were ready for.  After several visits to a specialist getting different samples and exploring treatment options, my parents decided to have my dad go through extensive chemotherapy.  This would mean that starting June 6th, my dad will get high dosages of chemo for 20 minutes a day for three days and then getting regular/slower dosages 24/7 for a week.  After these treatments are done, he will have to stay in the hospital till the end of the month to make sure he doesn't get infections (since he'll be anemic and his immune system will be down).  I never EVER pictured my dad needing to be hospitalized for 3 1/2 weeks for having cancer.  Never in a million years.  

This scares me a lot.  As strong as I try to be, this breaks my heart.  I know I have to be strong and positive, but also, I can not hold back how I am feeling.  This is opening up opportunities for my family to express themselves emotionally more than we ever have before.  I am positive and I want to look to the plan God has in store for us.  God is really testing the Cavender family that is for sure.  I think the greatest thing about this whole situation is that my dad is remaining positive.  He laughs and makes jokes (maintaining a sense of humor was one of his number one priorities), talks about it, asks and answers any questions, is getting really into the scripture and spending time with God, and is not afraid to show his emotions.  I have never seen him so raw and real.   This is the man God created.  

A week ago, my dad asked me if I knew what a blog was.  I of course answered, "Yeah!  I have one... haven't you been reading it?"  He hadn't... but he asked if he could make one for him to update and write about everything going on with him.  I helped him create his blog tonight and I know it will be great.  If you wanna check it out, the site is: http://dncamljourney.blogspot.com.  There isn't really anything on it now, but things will be up shortly.  He is really excited about it, which makes me excited.  He is not afraid of telling people about this, but is embracing it and is ready to beat it.

Normally I am not an avid supporter of people just opening up scripture randomly and thinking that the verse they point to with their eyes closed is the one relevant to their lives at that specific moment, but tonight, there was a moment "kind of" like that.  My mom gave me a new journal she found and it has devotionals spread throughout it with Bible verses.  I just flipped it open to a random page and it said,

"Be encouraged.  God's ways are always right.  

They may not make sense.  They may be mysterious,

 inexplicable, difficult, and even

painful.  But they are right. 'And we know that God

 causes everything to work together for the good 

of those who love God and are called according

 to HIS purpose for them.' (Romans 8:28)"

 

It was really comforting reading those words.  I know that God right now is calling me.  I need to answer the door and allow him to walk with me every moment of every day.  I need to seek him every moment of every day.  

What I ask of all of you, is that you would pray and keep my family in your thoughts.  PRAY PRAY PRAY.  I know my Dad and the rest of my family would really appreciate it.  Also, please read his blog.  I know there are going to be some really great posts up and I am sure he would love to answer any questions or would love to receive encouraging feedback.  God Bless you all.

Back in Chi-Town

I got back home Thursday night after spending an extra week in Omaha organizing and moving into my new apartment.  My best friend Carolyn was arriving back in Omaha Wednesday after spending a semester abroad in the Dominican Republic.  I originally talked with her and told her I would be there for her landing, but then later thought it would be fun to make the whole reunion a surprise.  I told her I couldn't make it anymore (and acted super bummed) because my sister was graduating on Friday and my parents wanted me home.  My sister's graduation really was on Friday, but there was no issue with me staying until the day before... I am so sneaky :)  I played along for a good month and a half or so, acting as somber and disappointed as I could.  That Wednesday, Katie May, Joelle Johnson, Emily Arkfeld, and I all went to the airport to pick Carolyn up (after many delays).  As the other three went into the airport to wait for Carolyn to walk down the escalator, I laid down in the trunk of Katie's Jeep.  I just remember the truck opening, and looking out seeing Carolyn react and shout "Are you KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!" It was a great moment.  I really missed my best friend and I am rather impressed with myself that I was able to keep a secret for that long. 

Other than that, nothing too exciting has been going on since I have been back home.  Amanda, my oldest sister, graduated from University of Illinois in Chicago with her Master's degree in Epidemiology and Biostatistics.  I am so unbelievably proud of her!  My Grandma was in town for a few days and she left for home this afternoon.  She is one of the most hilarious people ever, so it was really fun having her around.  I have otherwise been looking for a job and hanging out.  OH, also... I have decided I am going to run a half marathon next year.  I was going to do it in Chicago in October, but registration closed.  I am really excited for it, actually.  Running and I have a love/hate relationship, but once I get past the motivation thing, I like to run.  It will be really tough, but a couple other people told me they wanted to do it with me, so that boosts up my eagerness.  

Well, nothing too exciting... but hopefully more interesting things will come soon!

So Much Space

I am currently sitting in the middle of my new living room... just sitting and thinking and reflecting.  Finals are all over and my mom came to Omaha this past weekend and helped me move into my new apartment.  I have spent the past few nights just hanging out and organizing the space.  I don't remember the last time I have felt so free with my time.  Last night, Anne (my new roommate), her boyfriend Charlie, Anne's Mom, and I went to dinner across the street (HOW GREAT IS THAT?!?!?!) to Nicola's.  We just sat outside, soaked in the gorgeous weather, and ate dinner over light conversation.  It was idyllic.  Today, I am going to be doing the same... just packing things I don't need and putting my things in their right spaces... there is not really much else to say, besides that having my own space and time is incredible.