Hi. My name is Beth and I am a PROCRASTINATOR. (Response: Hi Beth.)

I frequently ask myself, "Beth, are you meant to be in college?"  After I ask myself this question, the first thought that comes into my mind is, "I don't think you are a very good student..."  This is true.  I get good grades overall, but I'm definitely not the greatest student.  I try to be, though, I really do.  I have tried going to the library every night for a week.  I have tried staying in on a Friday night with my head buried in books.  I have tried being an active participator in class discussions.  I have tried writing papers a week before they are due.  The results?  Boredom and the same grade I would have received even if I had not gone "the extra mile."  I don't get it.  If you work hard and long on something, aren't you supposed to get a good grade and actually learn something from it?  I have found after years of being a student, that my methods of studying are successful in the long run. 

I am a procrastinator.  I will be the first person to admit that to you as well.  To a lot of people, being a procrastinator in school is the worst thing ever (well at least to people at Creighton...).  I take my time, try my best not to stress about homework and tests, and often wait last minute to study and write papers.  Sorry Mom and Dad if you are reading this.  I am not proud of being a procrastinator, but it works for me.  It really hasn't failed me yet.  Of course, I know that if there is a HUGE project due in a class that I know will take forever, I will start it ahead of time.  In most cases though, I wait last minute.  But as I said, I still get good grades (I am so modest).

Let me give you an example here:  WORLD LIT.  I HATE WORLD LIT.  I am not the type of girl who enjoys reading long stories and poems that are difficult to interpret and then have to write papers on them and take quizzes about our knowledge of the details.  I am an AWFUL test taker.  AWFUL.  I sometimes amaze myself, actually, with how bad I am.  Not to mention, I don't have the best memory of details in readings I don't care about (Thanks Creighton Arts and Sciences program for all the GREAT Gen. Eds.).  Anyways, back to the example... I had to write three papers.  Paper #1: I wrote this the night before.  Result: A-.  Paper #2: I spent four days outlining and writing this. Result: B.  Paper #3:  Wrote the day and night before.  Result? A.  WHAT IS THIS?  I feel like the less I think, the better I do. BLAH.

I think a huge part of this is the fact that I dislike many of the courses I am taking.  I can pull off a good grade without truly retaining any of the information.  The classes I actually enjoy don't seem like work even though it is.  I am excited to start getting into more education, development, and art classes... these are the classes I WANT to do well in and the classes I WANT to show off my more "studious" and "eager" sides.  

Unfortunately, until then, I have a feeling my procrastinating ways are sticking... 

I Can Hear the Bells A Ringin'

So I am soon to be the last "official" Cavender girl... Amanda, my oldest sister, has been married for two years and Jackie, the middle sister, just got engaged today. NUTS.  Life is crazy, but so so so full of love, and it's occasions like this that give me a little reminder.  I would say I am pretty good at being optimistic about life and finding joy in the little things, but I LOVE testaments like engagements, births, birthdays, and holidays to remind me just how great life really is.  Praise Him!  My family is glorious.  My sister's are beautiful inside and out, and to know they are happy and loving life brings me soooo much joy.  I love my brother-in-law Elliot a lot and I am so excited to have Matt join our family as well!  Jackie and I were just talking about this after she sent me a picture text message of her engagement ring, but when her and Matt get married, her name will be Jackie Wild. Ha, so perfect.  Not to mention I love weddings.  Dressing up is one of my favorite things to do ever.  Don't get me wrong, I love wearing junky jeans with a t-shirt and hoodie (this is what my outfit is comprised of 90% of the time), but I adore those rare moments I actually take time to "get cute."  Life is so good.  Hectic and crazy some times, but nonetheless, SO good.

Turn Around and Upside Down

Just as things get to a point where you think they are going great, everything freaks out and goes crazy.  Story of my life.

So being the crazy person I am, I willingly took on a number of tasks all at once claiming to be a lover of "the busy life."  Yeah, I lied... and I just realized it.  I think the only reason I like being busy is so that I can ignore issues going on in my own head and ignore problems or plateaus that I don't want to face.  HUGE ISSUE.  I am ignoring these ENORMOUS elephants in the room.  Yes, elephantS... plural.  They are really brightly colored as well... I also really like being needed and being recognized for doing things efficiently and well.  This is all biting me in the butt hardcore.  Things right now are kind of falling apart before my eyes.  Everything I plan is not working out.  That right there is my major problem.  I am planning EVERYTHING I do... I am not going with the flow or hoping things work out, but I plan and they crumble.  I am trying to be this powerful, invincible, crazy college student that is super involved and wants to change the world.  I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing as long as it is for the right reason. As much as I wish I was genuinely doing everything to Glorify the LORD or to benefit those around me, I am not.  I love glorifying His name in everything I do, but instead, I am trying to make myself look better.  So not good.  It just sucks that other people are going to be hit by my selfishness in the long run.

I plan way too much... blah, I need to stop.  God has such CRAZY plans for me that I cannot even fathom.  Another fault of mine?  I am UBER impatient.  But I am even more so excited for the day that the right doors are offered to me and I confidently and securely walk on the path that the LORD has had planned for me all along.