One journal down...

I just finished my first journal ever.  Cover to cover, it's filled.  This might not sound particularly interesting to you, but I am REALLY excited! See, I have always liked journaling, but I wasn't very consistent in doing it.  I would journal for a couple months and then go into a funk and not write anything for a few months.  I had some weird complex with returning to that same journal with the proof that I was really inconsistent in my records.  So, I would always buy a new one.  Due to this, I have about 7 journals that are, at most, half-way filled.  Well, last September, I bought a new journal because I really wanted a fresh start; I wanted to be more dedicated to written prayer requests, my thoughts, and basically what is going on in my life and how I see God working.  Well, I finished it.  Finally! It is really exhilarating for me.  I had a personal goal for myself to be more dedicated to this and to use it as a helpful tool in growing in my faith, and I did it.  I started my new journal yesterday, and it is a little surreal for me, if that makes any sense.  The clean pages.  The crispness when I write.  The outside isn't worn down or tearing at the corners.  I am excited to start this new journal... Pushing myself to write every single day, even if it is simply one memory or record of how I saw God working... or even a prayer request or two.  I need to write every day.  This journey that I am on (Hello, LIFE!) is so interesting and I learn new things every single day. God is continually teaching me about myself, Himself, and others.  Why wouldn't I want those memories documented? Anyways, this will be fun. 

::Me and my new journal... YAY!::

Being an Ambassador

At Coram Deo, we are still going through the book of Colossians.  Each sermon basically focuses in on a few verses at most.  After 7 weeks, we are at Colossians 1:19-20.  It is amazing that if we just took some time, reading and studying the Word, how you can take a single verse or a few verses, and have enough information to make an entire sermon.  That just blows my mind, seriously. The Bible is incredible.  Way to go, God!

Anyways, this past week's sermon (looking at Colossians 1:19-20) really convicted me.  But not in a negative way necessarily.  Of course, no one likes being reminded and humbled by the recognition of their own sin, but instead of feeling guilty and discouraged by this conviction, I left feeling more inspired and determined than I have felt in a long time.  I was encouraged my the word's that God spoke to Will.  I was encouraged by His Word through the book of Colossians.  I was encouraged by the reminder that God invites us all to be convicted of sin and therefore transformed by the Holy Spirit and willing to be an ambassador of reconciliation.  

The sermon reminded us that:

1. God is Author -->  He created the world and He created it good and perfect.  Creation is not an end, but a means of praise and glorifying the Creator.  We should find joy in our surroundings, not because we should consume ourselves in the, but so that we can worship God.  Even after the fall, creation- including human beings- remembers deep down what it/we were made for.  We long for something greater than our current reality.

2. Jesus is the Agent -->  By everything being reconciled by the blood of the cross, God was making peace.  God is Holy and just.  He could not overlook sin and not have sin paid for.  To make peace and out of His love, he placed the punishment of Sin upon Himself and upon His Son, Jesus Christ.  In that very moment when Jesus was murdered, God's wrath ended.  Why then do we still so often find the need for revenge? bitterness?  For not forgiving those who have sinned against us?  God's wrath ended and He was graceful.  All anger was poured out on Jesus and this was God making PEACE.  How come we still so frequently feel the need to sin against those who have wronged us when Jesus ended that war.  It makes no sense for us to try to find Justice with revenge when God, who IS justice, already evened things out. PEACE. PEACE. PEACE.

3.  We are the ambassadors -->  God created us in His image.  Our identity is as an ambassador for reconciliation and for the Kingdom.  But, God doesn't force us to be ambassadors.  He invites us to be.  He doesn't NEED us.  He is almighty and whatever he wills WILL be done.  But, there is still something so beautiful and enticing about the fact that he continues to woo us into the story of rebuilding the Kingdom; Being reminded that we were created for a much greater purpose and we can (and will) return to our original state.    He knows that in the end, we will find the most joy and happiness with Him.  He is doing this through us at all times and with the gifts he has given us.  By looking at your gifts, whether shepherding, leading, teaching, serving, hospitality (and much MUCH more), God is using you to not only fulfill YOUR TRUE IDENTITY but also so that HIS KINGDOM WILL BE RESTORED.

An Ordinary Girl Encountering the Awkwardness of Life

So, a few posts ago, I mentioned how I am clumsy and awkward.  Well, this is still true.  VERY true.  So true, that I think I am going to start another blog dedicated to recalling my encounters with "the awkward".  Awkward moments, awkward people, embarrassment, and basically how I am a magnet for 'out of the ordinary' circumstances.  This blog that you are reading at this very moment was originally created to be a compilation of my thoughts, ideas, and basically an overall telling of what is going on in my life.  If I posted every time something strange happened to me on top of things I have been learning and such, I would be posting numerous times a day.  So, I think I am going to expand.  This particular blog will still account to my growth as a human being, a spot to share my thoughts, and also a tool to explain some cool things going on in my life (a little catch up, if you will), but my new blog will be a dedication to the unanticipated randomness and hilariousness that is BETH.  Seriously people, this is going to be awesome.  I am pretty excited about it.  I already have some really good stories to tell.  I even got suggestions from a good friend to make it into a movie... so.... who would play me? Huh. I will have to think about it... ANYWAYS: Check it out.  Below is my new blog address/link.  Save it. Cherish it. Check it (and this one of course) out frequently, please.  Comment on it.  Love you all! Thanks for supporting all my blog endeavors!

Awkward Blog: Bethism

The Question Game

One of my favorite things to do with people on a Friday or Saturday night is to just hang out at my apartment (preferably on my roof) and play the question game.  You may be thinking, The Question Game? What is that? That just sounds silly.  Well... if you are thinking that, you are WRONG and have been completely missing out.  The Question Game is probably one of the most marvelous games around.  [It's not even really a game, but it makes it sound way more intriguing...]  

So, in case you have not been able to experience the Question Game in all of it's glory, I will explain it to you.  So, picture this: there's a group of people (preferably at least 3 and definitely no more than 8) gathered in a circle.  One person starts and asks a question (deep or shallow, it doesn't really matter) and everyone, starting with the person to the left of the "questioner", answers the question.  Once everyone has answered, that person to the left asks the next question... and so on and so forth.  Some of you are probably thinking, Wow, that is super lame.  That's what you like to do on a Friday or Saturday night? You have no life.  Wrong again, my friends.  This is how I get to know my friends.  This is how I find out little quirks and details. This is intimate time, not time wasted.  ANDDDDDD it's free.  BONUS!!! 

I love getting to know people.  I love how mysterious and different each person is from the next.  I love hearing people talk about their lives, different likes and dislikes, their opinions and certain issues, and the list goes on.  I like people, basically.  I think that there is something new you can learn about a person every single day if you open up your heart and mind to those growing and learning opportunities.  I find that the Question Game strengthens relationships and communal bonds.  By answering questions, you are not only revealing a part of your heart and mind to those around you, but you are hearing the honest answers from those you care about.  Personally, I could not ask for a better pass time.

The questions vary in seriousness of course... For example... last night, we played the question game.  We asked questions like: What is your opinion of Capital Punishment? Who has made the biggest impact on your life? If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be? What is the one food you could eat for the rest of your life? Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?  There were TONS more, 'cause we played for like 3 hours. 

It's important to question.  It's important to be honest and vulnerable in front of people you care about and who care about you.  It's imperative that we get to know others and love them no matter how they might answer.  I encourage you to play the question game with some friends.  Seriously, you won't regret it.

Everything Glorious

I love worship music. Having previously been a part of my high school youth group's worship band and still having an intense passion for musical worship, I find myself frequently immersing myself into these worship songs outside of church (more and more).  I used to not like worship music;  I found most of it to be cheesy and lame.  Now, I can't help but to love the lyrics and the passion behind the songs that we so frequently hear on Sunday Mornings.  They are just little glimpses and reminders of a Great God.  This one below is one of my favorites... hope you enjoy.

Clumsy Me.

For any of you that have been around me for more than one hour at a time, you know that I am clumsy. Clumsy and awkward. I am not ashamed of it... anymore. I used to get really embarrassed, but now, I try to just laugh it off. Being uncoordinated does bring about some good stories, though...

1. I ran into/over a bush while running one afternoon. I turned a corner and there was a random bush, just right there. I didn't stop, but I did almost fall on my face. When I looked up, people eating outside were trying their hardest not to laugh. Let's just say, I ran my 3 miles in record time that afternoon...

2. I ran into a glass door at work. It was busy and I was in a rush to get something from the backroom for a customer. Not paying attention, I ran smack into the glass door of one of the jewelry cases. Result? The entire store turning around and laughing.

3. Playing Ultimate frisbee. This is probably my favorite game EVER. But, one fateful night at youth group, my arms and legs decided not to cooperate with me. I dove for a catch, tripped and landed on my face. And no, I did not catch the frisbee. Result? Yep, you guessed it: laughter. And nonstop torment from both the kids and my fellow sponsors... THANKS GUYS.

4. Dinner with my family in Chicago at a really nice restaurant called WildFire. I was wearing heels (but they were worn down to that nice, slippery point where there is no longer an traction). I walked to the bathroom, but on my way, as soon as I step on the hard wood floor instead of the carpet, my feet sweep up from under me and I land right on my butt in front of all the waiters and kitchen staff. NICE. Three people came running over to help me up. I was wearing a skirt too... anddddd that ripped. Great night.

Along with these stories, I trip at least five to ten times a day, I always seem to have some kind of bruise on my body from bumping into something, and I frequently spill on myself (often times conveniently when I am wearing white... Awesome.) It's a funny trait that has progressively been getting worse as I grow up. Every one goes through at least one awkward phase in their lives... but for me, I think God decided to make my entire life one giant awkward phase. The moment I don't think I could be more awkward or clumsy, the next moment I am running into a waiter at a restaurant spilling food and water everywhere. God, you are such a jokester....

Hello Motherhood.

No. I am NOT pregnant.  Just to clarify.  BUT I do nanny.  At least three days a week, I nanny/babysit 4 kids: Lydia (almost 5), Max (7), Julie is (9), and Joslyn is (11).  They are definitely a handful some days. I don't even nanny them for a long period of time; just an hour or two before school and/or an hour or two after school.

The mornings are hilarious, to say the least.  I am NOT a morning person and I have to be there at about 7:00 am.  Ew. So first off, I am tired and out of it and have to deal with 4 kids who are also extremely crabby and tired.  I wake them up, make them breakfast, I drink about 2 cups of coffee, clean the dishes, make sure they all get dressed and ready for school (including having to sit and physically watch Max brush his teeth, because he HATES to do this and frequently lies to me about brushing them), make sure they have their backpacks ready/homework done, and then I drive them to school.  I feel like such a mom.  They give me hugs as they get out of the car too... that kind of makes my day though, I'm not going to lie.  Then I take the little one, Lydia, to early childhood class.  The first day of school, I got some nice glares, mostly from parents probably thinking that she was MY child.  Sometimes, I play up the whole maternal instinct thing... just for the looks...

After school, I pick them all up. I love picking Lydia up especially because she always brings me art projects from class.  I have one currently on my fridge. I take them home, make them a snack, and patrol while they do their homework.  They are really good and focused most of the time... I have had to give Max a time out and I had to separate all the girls because of fighting (it kind of reminded me of me and my sisters when we were younger...).  

Overall, I really like it.  I like hearing their ridiculous and pointless stories.  I love that they laugh at pretty much anything (or they are just laughing at me in my attempt to make jokes/relate to little kids... cause let's face it, I am really sarcastic and little kids don't understand sarcasm).  I love it when they ask me to help them with their homework.  I love jumping on their trampoline with them.  There are just so many little things, when it comes to hanging around little kids, that I just really enjoy.

I am NO where ready to be a mom.  And I know that being a mom is 24/7, not just 6 hours a week or so, but for right now, my little glimpses of motherhood have been fairly enjoyable.  I hope I get some good stories out of this experience!

The Augustinian Mantra

As I have stated on numerous occasions, I am really excited about this school year. It is bittersweet, but nonetheless, I hope I am open to see where God takes me, to learn what He is trying to teach me, and to live in a way that glorifies His Kingdom.  

At church on Sunday, I heard a new little quote from one of my personal favorite philosophical theologians, St. Augustine.  He said, "Love God and do what you want."

Love God and do what I want? AWESOME!!!! YEAH. I mean, I love God. So I can go out, get plastered, get in fights, not care about anything, date whoever I want, be rude, spend all my money on clothes, and just have fun! (Okay, this was NOT me being serious if you couldn't catch on.  I am ridiculously sarcastic sometimes, so just bear with me.) Unfortunately, this is the way Christians think sometimes.  They think a belief in God, a surface level "love" for God is sufficient for a "get into Heaven free" card.  Even within my own heart I have faced apathy and feelings of, "well, I already accepted Jesus into my heart and got baptized, so I am all good."  God has been steadily humbling my heart, especially over the past few months.  The Gospel is NOT about me. It's not about any of us.  It's always been and always will be about HIM.  

One of my favorite Underoath songs, A Love So Pure, says,

Always did it my way on my own then one day I realized

I was blind, nothing I could do on my own

Turn, we have found a way to see, look up... feel the Almighty

Take control as we gaze into your eyes

We're just the tool you use to bring this world to you

Oh, Lord, how we love you

With your grace, take away the hurt and the bruises inside,

reach down let your glory reside

The cross carried for all of us, paint the image in my mind

So I will never think I am something,

but nothing am I but you, you are something

Lord you keep me alive, you give me rest at night

When there seems no way to find calmness in the storm you come and

take me in your arms and then the waves drown me no more

With you I'll last this battle and many others

Through the ages your name will reign forever... never to be replaced

In these trials I face, I pray you humble me

Humble me I want to be like you Jesus more and more like you

I was crucified on that day with Christ

Nailing you there with sin, accepting you

I nailed my soul to the cross and now my life begins

 This world so cold but your love keeps me warm

My father holds me in his nailed scarred hands which I put there

But for some reason he still loves me with all his heart

Even through I betray him constantly

He always keeps his arms open waiting, till I give up my old ways

God my father, you are the only one that can give me comfort

You touch my heart in such a way that all I can do is cry your name

Jesus Christ I love you

My heart aches for your love

Being a Christian is hard. Really hard.  It's not easy to truly love God all the time.  It's not easy being humbled causing us to recognize our inability to be perfect.  It's not fun being reminded of how unloving we are most of the time.  But this year, my goal is to "Love God and do what I want." Thanks Augustine.  I know he isn't saying that I can do WHATEVER I want, like drink mercilessly or sleep around.  But I know he is saying that once we, as Christians, love God intimately and purely, putting Him above all else and seeing Him in the light He deserves, our actions will fall in place. When we love God in this sense, everything we do will be in honor of the Kingdom.  Our hobbies, our relationships, our words, and our day to day actions will be honoring of the LORD.  When we "love God and do what we want", what we want to do is live the Gospel.  

This is my goal.  This is the mantra I am going to assign to my D-group starting up on Sunday. I want those girls to understand that you cannot compartmentalize God.  You can't tell Him to be in the spiritual parts of your life, like church and youth group, and then not to be in the "non-spiritual" parts like school and friends and relationships.  EVERYTHING is spiritual... whether we like it or not.  He is ever present.  I want them to truly understand that everything we do is for Him... it's just a matter of whether we love him and live in ways that honor Him or whether we still rely on ourselves.  This will be a challenging year for me as well.  I need to be active with this goal... I can't just say it, but I as well need to truly live it. 

... Here we go!