MySpace and the list of a Few of my Favorite Things...

I used to have a MySpace. Truth. Are you really that surprised?

In junior high and high school, this was the facebook. It was how I kept in contact with my friends, including one of my best friends, Sophie, who lives in England. It was the fad. I haven't been on MySpace in well over a year... the only reason I really kept my account once I went to college was because this was how I found out about new music and new bands. Being the emo, slightly anti-social girl I was, I would spend HOURS just looking up random music and downloading all the free files. NICE. Well, this afternoon, while I was just sitting at home and enjoying my Thanksgiving break and the time away from school, I thought, What the heck? Why not log into my MySpace account? After trying 4 different passwords, I finally logged in successfully. It's pretty funny. I haven't updated anything in almost two years. My 'About Me' section still said I was a Sophomore and all my photos are pretty old. It made me laugh looking through everything... all the hardcore music I obsessed over, my nose ring, and just the other random and pointless information I posted.

Something I did post on MySpace that I found really entertaining was my list of all of my "Favorite Things". I posted hundreds of things that I loved... obviously, I did not have a life... but I remember this list not being all at one time but I would continue to add on it every time I found something I really liked... here is my list if you have the time to read through them:

- Concerts

- Fluffy Snowflakes

- Waking up before my alarm goes off
- Taking pictures of anything, really
- Coming up with a really great composition for a new painting or drawing
- Laughing till my stomach hurts
- Snail Mail
- A really good, new CD and listening to it non-stop for weeks
- Baseball game hotdogs
- tea
- falling asleep in the Terrill's hammock
- Driving around town just for fun
- The smell of fresh flowers
- Romania
- Wandering through art museums
- Singing my heart out, whether it is at church in front of a ton of people or alone in the shower, it doesn't matter, I love to sing
- Surprise parties
- Carving pumpkins
- Playing UNO with Sophie
- Visiting Amanda and Elliot at their apartment in Evanston

- Snapping with the Gamma Phi's
- Finding the perfect item while shopping
- Taking pictures on PhotoBooth with Courtney
- Fabric Softener
- Candles
- Amazing fellowship
- Getting all dressed up
- A really good pair of shoes
- Eating late at night at the Full Moon
- Dance Parties
- Star gazing at LF beach
- Watching the sun rise
- Down Comforters
- Wearing Hats
- Sushi with Jackie and my Dad
- A good run early in the morning (on select days)
- Seeing/Reading about people I know in the newspaper
- Reading the Bible
- Jetskiing and falling off
- Homemade cookies in a care package
- Visiting the Zoo
- Being random and spontaneous
- Watching intense movies (cause I'm "basically a guy")
- Skiing and Snowboarding in Colorado
- The Cavender Family Quote Board
- Talking to my sisters on the phone
- Eating at Walker Bros. with all the girls
- Making fun of Texas
- Walking through a park in the springtime
- The really corny singers/worship leaders at church
- Love Songs
- Shaving Cream Fights at Meredith's House
- Coffee Dates
- Learning more about God every single day
- Being asked for advice and help
- Cheap Chocolate Ice cream (I think the kind that comes in the cardboard box is always better)
- Pretending to be Emo with Emily Wirtz
- IHOP (International House of Prayer)
- Autumn and the changing leaves
- Buffalo Wild Wings and Karaoke
- Beautiful quotes
- Giving Presents and Cards
- Seeing plays and musicals
- Christine's Mother-Daughter Annual Christmas Cookie Party
- Talking to and being in the presence of Jenni Terrill
- Witnessing Marilyn Richards "break it down"
- Rock, Paper, Scissors, SLAP
- Dark Dove Chocolates and those lame sayings in the foil wrapper

- Theme Parties
- Fancy Dinners and Cocktail Parties
- Bowling
- Dodgeball (especially outside when it's muddy)
- The OCHOS
- C.S. Lewis Books
- Making Snow Angels
- Watching/Hearing people play guitar and piano
- Big Sunglasses and Jewelry
- Family Time
- Hugs
- Making my infamous, random mixes
- Picking up Seashells and walking on the beach
- Riding the 4 person bikes at Navy Pier
- Giggling for no reason with Lisa and Tabitha
- Madrigals and Chorus
- DMC's (Deep meaningful conversations)
- Jack Bauer
- Jim Gaffigan Jokes
- Seeing cute, old, married couples still in love
- All of my friends who have loved me and supported me through anything I have gone through
- Crying when you are happy
- Weddings
- Riding the Metra
- The way God has broken my heart
- Feeling the sun on my face
- Apples to Apples
- The Bennett Family and listening to their amazingly hilarious stories
- My Family and everything about them
- Warm clothes that just came out of the dryer
- Shopping for new towels
- Dancing in the rain
- Paintball... even though I get beat so bad
- The Tate Modern
- Journaling
- Quoting Movies with Patrick
- Burt's Bees Lip Balm
- GMa's Thanksgiving Dinners
- Cooking
- Dry Humor
- Watching Creighton Basketball
- I love the 80's and 90's
- Sharing awkward moments with jaK
- Apple Picking
- Taking long walks to Walgreen's with Wirtz
- Laughing about Kelli's crazy cats.
- Visiting Classrooms and just thinking about being a teacher
- Listening to Theological speakers here at CU
- Playing Risk with Cam and Cody
- Post-its
- Dining Hall Chocolate Milk
- Bubble Baths
- Dressing up in 80's wear
- Making T-Shirts
- Bouquets of flowers (especially tulips)
- The feeling of your stomach dropping after going down the big drop of a roller coaster
- Acoustic Music
- Europeon Basilicas and Cathedrals
- The Big smiley face cookies at LFHS... man I miss those.
- Art Studio with Zare
- World Mandate
- Taking pictures in the Old Market with Megan and Courtney
- Mr. Coad's Calc Class
- Juarez, Mexico
- Sokol Underground
- Homemade Breakfast with my Crescent Sister, J Stein
- The first snow of the season
- Mark Rothko paintings
- Worship Music
- Hearing Crazy Courtney Stories
- Chasing squirrels and rabbits around campus... or just watching Dan do this.
- Late night hangouts on the mall
- The smell of fresh cut grass and the air after it rains
- Heat Lightning
- Frosties from Wendy's
- Peace
- Tabitha's "I'm going to kill you" face
- Slip n' Slides
- Learning about the environment
- Mom/Daughter Week
- Cherry Starbursts
- Hoodies
- Watercolor colored pencils
- Picture Frames
- Playing freeze tag out on the KFC lawn in the rain
- Laughing about the past
- The stomach jitters you get when you see someone you really care about or have missed
- Cancelled Classes
- My Gamma Phi Family, The Curtis'
- Snow Days
- Mint Mojito Orbit
- Being my goofy self with the people that truly love me for me
- Being respected and trusted
- Degas and his Ballerinas
- Photo shoots
- The Word Association Game
- Being able to be quiet/silent with someone without awkwardness
- Creamslushes
- God's Grace
- The words "I miss you"
- The way your hair feels, looks, and smells right after you go to the salon
- Driving with the windows down and having the wind blow on your face and through your hair
- Sunshine
- Splashing in puddles
- Tutoring at Jackson Elementary
- Elaborate Architecture
- Interior Decorating
- Watching Makeover shows
- Leonardo DiCaprio
- Hearing really old pop songs from your early teen years and remembering all the words
- Being a geek and reading Harry Potter
- Victoria's Secret Lotion and Perfume
- Stunning landscapes that just scream God's Beauty and Wonder
- The feeling of clean, cool sheets on your legs right after you shave them
- Organizing my planner
- The Cerulean Blue Crayola Crayon
- Making s'mores
- Putting "In Bed" at the end of fortunes (in the fortune cookies... yeah.)
- Talking with with Cameron in his car in the LFC parking lot late at night then being kicked off by campus security
- My piercings
- Blonde Jokes
- Reading Christian Theology and Doctrine
- Playing on Jungle Gyms
- Brand new charcoal
- The sounds of Helicopters over head
- Riding on the Tube with Sophie and seeing famous people
- Multigrain Cheerios with French Vanilla Yogurt
- Hanging out with Carolyn to just talk about life
- Being Seranaded to in my dorm room
- Being a girl... just in general... it's great
- Getting a good grade on a paper/project/test you thought you bombed
- Listening to the rain on my window
- Gamma Phi Beta and everything about it
- The months of May, October, and December
- Telling Gina about the crazy dreams I had the night before
- The feeling of wet sand in between your toes
- Laughing at myself
- Thrifting
- Amanda and Jackie
- Mid/Late 90's Rap... like Coolio
- Cuddling and Spooning
- Sitting in the massage chairs in the student center... well depending on what setting they are on...
- Trusting the Lord and knowing everything is going to be alright
- Talking to Jen and Courtney about saving ourselves for hot, passionate, awkward honeymoon sex and having our conversation being overheard by many in the student center... CRAP
- Amanda's Chicken soft tacos
- Feeling like you are a little kid again... like having sleepovers, pillow fights, and telling ghost stories before you go to bed
- Girl Scout Cookies... mainly the Carmel Delights and Peanutbutter patties
- Hearing Dan play piano
- Manicures and Pedicures
- Washing your face after a really long and stressful day
- Trying new things
- Meeting people that are really confident and self-aware
- Wifebeaters (the clothing item, not the people)
- Creighton
- Freedom
- Saint Augustine and Saint Thomas Aquinas
- My baggy jeans
- Jumping in piles of leaves
- Giants, Wizards, and Elves
- Watching Nick milk a cow (probably one of the funniest things in the world)
- Emo/Indie Boys... like Boris
- Homecooked meals
- Sunrise CCLF Easter Service at the Beach
- Cheetah flats
- Giggling with jaK about absolutley nothing relevant
- Fingerpainting
- Making a build-a-bear
- Super Target... I would totally live here if I could....
- Rootbeer with lemon
- Finding change on the ground
- Drinking Water
- Talking about Philosophy and life
- Genuinely talented individuals
- Scented Markers
- Dressing up in intense softball uniforms with Tabitha
- Searching for Queen Nefertitti's with Tabitha but then never being able to find it, so deciding to act like menopausal women blaring love songs out of the yellow mini mobile till 4... after chowing down on full moon cuisine of course
- Easter egg hunts
- My "Mom Bags"... I could probably fit a small child in them if I wanted to...
- Scrambled eggs made by Sean in Becker
- Reading Cereal Boxes
- Pretending to be trendy
- Finding out about an awesome new band
- Free T-shirts
- Fresh-squeezed juice in the morning
- Take-out Chinese Food
- Looking at all the puppies at Lamb's Farm
- Pen and Ink Drawings
- Eating cookie dough straight from the bowl
- Wrapping presents
- Tabitha's nickname for me = Bah (long story if you really wanna know why...)
- Falling alseep in the really big, suede, circle chair that is in the library
- Tricking telemarketers by speaking french on the phone
- Nathan Young
- The stage when you are so tired, you get loopy and crazy
- Falling asleep on the lawn in the sun
- My blessing bracelet from Allison
- Twirling in flow-y skirts and and dresses
- Eating claussen pickles out of the jar
- Sucking in Helium from balloons (even if it does destroy my brain cells)
- The Numa Numa video (it still makes me laugh really hard)
- Jumping on beds
- Pura Vida Hawaiian Hazelnut coffee
- Chapstick
- Big Sweatshirts
- Cuddling up in my bed on a rainy day
- Flinstone Vitamins
- Halls Fruit Breezers Throat Drops
- Intimacy with the Almighty
- Reminiscing nasty trends from the 90's... like roll on glitter from bath and body works
- Displace Me 2007
- Late night breakfast in Becker served by the RA's
- Mass slumber parties in our dorm room
- Home cooked meals
- Free Trade Coffee
- Sweat-Free Shirts
- Non-Conflict Diamonds
- Camping
- Eating Burnt Marshmallows
- Meeting new people
- Waking up everyday
- Telling people about something I am passionate about
- Slip 'n slides
- Trying on fancy dresses just for fun
- Having a conversation with someone for a really long time and never running out of things to say
- Dancing and singing to cheesy VBS songs (Jump to the left and jump to right and sing to the Lord with all of your might...)
- Cuddling with SamSam
- Being handy and fixing things with my toolkit
- The feeling of accomplishment
- Blasting music and painting
- Posters
- The feeling when my heart flutters
- Pillow pits
- Going down slides
- Purple Highlighters.. you never see them much these days
- Encouragement
- Birthdays and the celebration of life
- Writing letters and cards
- Wisdom
- People who are knowlegable about the world
- Innocence
- Grace
- Days when you feel super skinny
- The Safety and Health of loved ones
- Accents
- Mother-Daughter bonding (most times)
- Being able to remember my dreams from the night before
- Pilates
- Burning Incense
- Having a good dance partner
- All Natural Chapstick
- The rainbows that are made by the reflection of water (specifically from sprinklers) and sunlight
- Morning dew
- Using a thesaurus
- God putting me out of my comfort zone
- TV show theme songs
- Will and Grace

- Facials and Massages
- Shopping with my mom
- Laughing with Nikki and Ashley in the backroom at work
- Blowing bubbles in my drinks with a straw... I love feeling like a 5 year old
- Spontaneous singing and dancing
- Driving on Delaney and Wadsworth... there are some pretty cool views especially at night
- People who respect my opinions on political and social matters
- fauxhawks
- Magic eight balls
- Having an afternoon Pimms and/or glass of wine with the Perrotts at their home in England
- Bandanas
- Camping with the RO girls
- Potbelly's Dreambars
- Taking funny pictures on my Mac with Amanda and Jackie
- Coffee table books
- Water parks
- Getting free Hazelnut Soy Lattes for early morning intern meetings... thanks SY!
- Converse
- Opening Bands and how they always come out and talk to you after the show. So real and so awesome.
- The chocolate cake at the Bridge
- Johnny and his big yellow van and crazy driving
- Talking to homeless people
- Late night walks
- Playing on the playgorund of death in RO
- My RO families
- Media Fasting
- Scribble Drawing with Elliot, Kristina, and Patrick
- Brushing my teeth
- Color coordinating
- Comics in the Sunday paper
- The Power of Prayer
- The Peacefulness and Calm lifestyle of the Romanians
- Glow in the dark mini golf
- Seeing really great movies in the theater
- Being pleasantly surprised
- Cotton Dresses
- Seeing a friend for the first time in a really long time and feeling like nothing has changed between the two of you
- Tubing (snow and water)
- Jumping off the back of boats
- Free things
- Song of Songs 2:10-13
- Sidewalk Chalk Drawing with Kristina
- Compromise
- Flag Football Tournaments
- Crushing Stereotypes
- Dr. Dickel's ridiculous comments and tangents during Child and Adolescent Development
- Texting Byron and Carolyn throughout educational psychology
- The Office and Jim Halpert
- Having my own bathroom
- Dark Hair and Light Eyes
- Decorationg Christmas trees and my room for Christmas
- Sleeping with a fan on
- Avocado
- Recruitment Practices for Gamma Phi
- Helping the students in the classrooms I observe with their art projects
- Oprah
- Blue Pen
- Wolves Hockey Games with my Family
- Chicago and everything about it
- Funny Halloween costumes that don't involve lingerie or animal ears
- Road Trips
- Cultural Saturdays with Katie Smith, Carolyn, Katie May and Kathleen
- Poetry Slams
- Ted and Wally's
- Almonds
- Being pleasantly surprised
- My over-the-shoulder bag
- My Car, Leo
- Meaningful Song Lyrics,

- Boat rides with the Strickland Family

- Kind and Happy people that just radiate goodness... these are the people that I want to surround myself with

- Text messages from my Dad just telling me he loves me and to have a good day

- Fleece

- Asking Questions

- Anxious/Excited feelings when you are finally about to go to something/do something that you have been planning to do for a really long time

- The Finer Things Club

- Mascara

- Seeing my parents during break

I just love reading back on stuff like this and realizing how different I am... or how I am scarily the same in so many ways...

I no longer use MySpace... not even for music... but it was nice to have a little "Blast from the Past" moment.

Here are a few of the good pictures to leave you all with: (I was such a MySpace girl, not even funny...)

TOMs-a-loms

Have you ever heard of TOMs shoes? If not, go to this site and check them out: http://www.tomsshoes.com

Basically, when you buy a pair of TOMs, they give a pair of shoes to a child who doesn't have any shoes.

No joke, these are some of the most comfortable things I have ever owned. I have had mine since Spring and I am wearing the crap out of them. AND the great thing? When you buy a pair, even though the price on some may seem a little steep, you are essentially buying TWO pairs of shoes. Pretty dang good deal for a good cause. Just check out the site and see it all for yourself.

My Breaking Heart.

I have been involved in some sort of youth group since I was in 6th grade. Either as a student or as a leader. As both, I have invested not only my time, but my heart and energy. Even if it hasn't always shown, I feel as if I have invested a lot... sometimes I wonder if I invest too much. I love being a part of these groups, but it is wearing. It's great, but there are some times that just break you down and break your heart.

Being a leader is WAY different than being a student. First, as a student, unless you are on some sort of leadership team, you don't really have any responsibility. You kind of just... show up. The more you put into youth group, the more you get out. Well, as a leader, you have to be active in everything 'youth group' to be effective. Active in your faith, active in building relationships, active in sharing yourself with others, and active in just being a part of the youth group community in general. Having this position requires a part of our hearts and emotions to be put on the front lines. Being open allows others to be open with us. I never knew how powerful and true this really is until recently.

Without revealing names and specific situations, there has been a lot of stuff going on with a bunch of girls in the junior high and high school youth group. Personal stuff. Heart-wrenching stuff. Over the couple of days, I have been exposed to 6 of these particular situations. It hurts seeing them go through this. It pains me not knowing what to do in certain situations. It's easy to think 'How did I NOT know any of this was going on?' My heart breaks for these girls. I know from experience how difficult and sucky adolescence is. I, personally, never want girls to go through some of the things that I did, but unfortunately, just because I don't want them to, doesn't mean it won't happen. Today, I find myself a little bogged down because of all of this. My heart is heavy. I am a little confused and really sad. I was really emotional last night when I was driving home just because I couldn't get some of the things out of my head.

For over a year, I have opened up to girls and tried to get to know THEM. As young women trying to live for Christ and as Daughters of a Perfect Father. Not only this, but also, I have been trying to get to know their faults, their weaknesses, and their sins. For the first 10 months, the hearts of these girls were hard. They weren't open to share anything. It's taken me a long time to gain the trust of most of these girls. I have shared myself with them, and now, they are finally beginning to share their lives with me. I hardly expected some things that they have been telling me. My investment, my heart, was ready to give, I thought, but it is being broken by their stories. By their experiences. Am I too weak? Have I invested too much?

The past couple of days have been rough, but after praying a LOT this afternoon and talking to a few people, I realize that it's okay that my heart is breaking. It means that I care.. It shows that I have been trying to get to know these girls on a more personal level and when I see them in pain and see them hurting, it hurts me. I don't always like to show my weaknesses... and sometimes I like to think that I have everything together. But, it's at times like these that I realized how broken we all are. The best I can do is to continue loving these girls. I feel as though my heart is heavy, but when I am able to give these girls completely to the LORD, he will lighten the load on my heart. He has invested more energy and love and compassion into relationships with these girls than I ever could. I know he has everything under control, so I don't need to worry about fixing things for myself. I can't. I can't solve their problems. I can't pretend I know everything about counseling. I can't always be there to be their confidante. I can cry all I want. But, I have to know that HE is in control. What can I do? Love these girls and encourage them to seek HIM. He's going to make everything okay. I just need to learn a balance of investment and TRUST.

EDU 548: SUCK FEST

I DESPISE my Education 548 class... Reading in content areas. First of all, I am studying to me an ART teacher. I don't use and won't use text books when I teach. When we have been going through all our content, my professor has even looked me in the eye and said, "well, you probably won't even use this..." OKAY. THANKS. So, why do I even have to take it?! Explain that to me, woman.

I am sitting in this class and I just want to scream. She's currently reading a children's book to us... thanks but I'm 21. And in college. And uninterested.

This is me. Pissed. In class. Death.

Encounter

Last November, I spontaneously decided to go on a Campus Ministry retreat called Encounter (with Christ). Retreats are pretty big at Creighton, and I had heard great things about them, but this was my first one. I guess it helped me feel a little more comfortable when a bunch of my friends also signed up. I was nervous before we left. With Creighton being primarily Catholic, I wasn't sure if this retreat would be primarily geared toward Catholicism and I would be one of the only Protestants attending. Overall, I just really didn't know what to expect.

That weekend turned out to be one of my favorite weekends I have had in college. It was more than just a weekend away from the hectic schedule at school, but it was a time I was able to join in community with people who had similar values to my own and feel rejuvenated and encouraged in my own walk with Christ. I met some people I never would have without the retreat and strengthened the relationships I already had. I saw God at work in the hearts of others and in my own heart. It was so memorable. Every moment.

One day last year, I decided to apply for a leadership position on the next Encounter. To my surprise, I got it! I was so excited! Not to mention, a bunch of my closest friends were going to be leaders as well! Over the past few months, our leadership team has met once a week to talk about the logistics of the trip, form groups, work with our partners, and assign jobs/committees. I was asked to speak on the retreat, which I was both really excited for and really nervous about. I am not a very good public speaker 'cause I get pretty flustered and anxious, but when I do talk, I normally think what I talk about is pretty decent. The awkward nervousness is all worth it. Anyways, the actual retreat was this past weekend, and I can say that this also makes the list of top ten weekends I have had at Creighton.

Being a leader this time around was a completely different experience than when I was a "retreatant". I knew so much more about what was going to happen, and instead of experiencing certain things for the first time and by surprise, I got to witness the excitement and joy that the others had. I also LOVED being a leader because I seriously think my small group was BOMB. I love my fellow student leader Dan and our adult leader Andrew. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for two men who were more caring and faithful than these two. They amazed me and encouraged me the whole time. If you both are reading this, thank you for your inspiration. I also loved the students in my group. It was really cool getting to know some of them for the first time. I was lucky enough to even have one of my own sorority sisters in my group which was incredible. They were 7 of the most peaceful, introspective, caring, and honest people I have encountered in a long time. They were quick to listen and open with the rest of the group about theirs lives, their apprehensions, and their faiths. God is so goo

d. I am so blessed to have gotten to be in a group with these people. They taught me a lot by their spirits and maturity. Not to mention, we were the green group and Dan and I bought ugly green sweaters from Salvation army for our group and they were a huge hit. AND we got first in the skit contest. NBD.

Other than my small group, I was constantly blown away by the sheer brilliance of our leadership staff. Each one of the adult and student leaders were representatives of Christ. They were prayerful, considerate, loving, encouraging, and not to mention SO MUCH FUN. I know my experience wouldn't be the same without each person being there. We truly were a team. It was awesome.

God really worked in my heart this weekend. Through my talk (which went way better than I ever expected it to), through the entire team, through reflection and prayer, through the witness talks of others, through small group discussions, through letters, and through one-on-one talks with some people. I heard HIS whisper throughout the weekend guiding me and leading my words. I loved how intimate of a retreat itwas... we all shared our hearts with not only with each other but with God. People who never thought they would get anything out of a campus ministry retreat were changed. Even though the attendants are mostly Catholic, it's during times like these retreats that I LOVE celebrating the love and life of Christ with other faithful believers. I loved hearing how our Heavenly Father was working through others.

I was once again reminded about how REAL God is. The beautiful and calming atmosphere in the middle of the woods was only part of the reason why. Every person came on that retreat for a reason, even if they didn't know what it was at first. This weekend was a reminder of how hopelessly human we all are. We all struggle and have imperfections, but how BLESSED we are to have a Loving and PERFECT God who wants a relationship with us and therefore loves us for who we are. Through the sacrifice of His Son, we are saved and given the opportunity to taste the Goodness of the Lord. Being in community, recognizing our needs for reflection and contemplation, listening to the wisdom of others, and spending time in prayer all facilitate an opportunity to learn more about the God who is calling out our names.

After such an amazing weekend, it's easy to be on a "retreat high". But, I am determined to remember not the retreat for the retreat, but remember the Beauty and Goodness of the LORD and be aware of His voice and blessings every single day.

Jenny Steinmann

I remember being a freshman at Creighton, a new member in the Gamma Phi Beta sorority. It was a Sunday and we were having our new member pinning ceremony and I was being walked through the ritual by my "Crescent Sister", a junior assigned to each one of us new freshman to help guide us through our first experiences in the sorority. I remember turning around to meet her, but I didn't recognize her. Despite this fact, she hugged me so hard. "I'm Jenny! Your crescent sister!"

When we went to brunch after this, I remember her sitting with me the entire time and just asking me question after question after question. Everything from What's your family like? to What would your dream job be? Not exactly questions people normally ask upon first meetings, but that didn't matter for Jenny. She was interested in me as a person from the start. I, a scared and insecure freshman girl not even sure if I really wanted to be a sorority, was loved by this junior. For being me. She embodied sisterhood from the start.

That next weekend, she picked me up so a bunch of us could hang out before our New Member Date Party. I told her at brunch that I didn't drink, but I was just really excited to hang out with my new sisters. When I got in the car, she looked me in the eye and said, "So, I have a surprise for you..." and out she pulled sparkling grape juice. "I know you don't drink, so I thought I would get you a little surprise. It's the closest thing I could find." Again, Jenny proved to me that she actually cared. She listened to what I told her, and she still went out of her way to make me feel loved and included.

Over the next year, Jenny and I would meet every once and awhile just to talk and catch up on life. We were never super close, but she was one of the upperclassmen that I could confidently call my friend.

Some background about Jenny: She was diagnosed as a child with Ewings Sarcoma. She had been in remission for a really long time, but recently, she found out her cancer came back and she was put in hospice because it spread so quickly and her condition worsened. Going in and out of consciousness for a little while, yesterday morning, she passed away in St. Louis. She was a pediatric oncology nurse in St. Louis and was still working even after she found out she relapsed. Her entire life, she was dedicated to cancer research, but unfortunately, she lost her battle with this disease.

I found out she passed away yesterday... and not going to lie, I was a mess. It was one of those things where I would be perfectly fine, but then just burst out in tears. This happened over and over. I didn't realize much a death of a sister would effect me.

I asked Kristin Fitzgerald, the president of my sorority, if I could talk at chapter about Jenny. After she told me I could, I spent the afternoon trying to think of what I might say. Stories. Memories. How great she was. But, I tried of thinking something else to talk about as well. Half of the girls in the sorority had never even met her, so I knew that if I just talked about Jenny, they would not feel as much a part of the sisterhood. There would be that lack of connection.

Now, I'm not the greatest public speaker, but I thought it was important to share with everyone. When I stepped up after a couple of Jesuits prayed with us, I told the stories I shared with you all. I talked about how great she was and how quick she was to love and accept others. Then it hit me. This was not only a time of remembering Jenny and celebrating her life (with some serious mourning in there too), but her death made me realize how much I take for granted. How much we all take for granted.

I have SO many sisters out there. Ones before me and ones that will come after me. Like I said before, I didn't know Jenny extremely well, but her death impacted me. And I know it impacted others. Her loss made me realize everything she offered while she was alive. Her strength. Her determination. Her compassion. It made me reevaluate how I see all of my sorority sisters. We are all bonded in a special way, and it made me realize that even though I may not know everyone as well as I wish I did, I cannot take ANY of them for granted. This isn't just for people in my sorority either. ANYONE. I cannot take anyone's life for granted. Everyone plays an important role in this life. If we only bonded with our friends and family as if they (or we) were going to die tomorrow, I am sure there would be no regrets once they/you died. I'll miss Jenny and I celebrate her life, but another part of be realized how I took her for granted. I accepted her as my sister and loved her for it, but do we ever take the time and truly embrace our loved ones the way we should?

I'm not living in regret because of this, but it opened my eyes. I love you all. Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to read where I am coming from.

Jenny Steinmann

4.8.1986 - 11.4.2009

Bye Dud.

So, last night, I probably had one of the STRANGEST dreams I have had in my entire life... and I have had some pretty weird dreams before...

I was sitting in my old apartment at the island in my kitchen/living room. I was eating dinner but as soon as I was done, all my dishes were gone. This, however, didn't even seem to phase me. I hear a really loud knock on my door and I run for it. It sounded super urgent. When I open the door, there is the hallway are a bunch of my friends... but something was very different about all of them... OH, I know what it was, they were all half animal (Yeah, WEIRD, I know). There stood Cody (half gopher), Meghan (half cat), Josh (half donkey), Alyse (half mouse), Ravi (half mountain lion), Alex (half wolf), Dud (half pigeon), and Nate (half moose). I was fully human... standing in my apartment door just staring at my friends who had somehow turned part animal. I was confused, but I let them all in. They were all bickering about something (which actually is fairly normal) as they walked to my living room and sat down. Nate Frew broke a lamp when we hit it with his antlers. Glass was everywhere, and Dud started eating the glass chunks. We started talking about animal ethics, getting on topics such as product testing on animals, forest preservation laws, and the use of leashes for domestic animals. All of a sudden, Alex and Josh start fighting. A wolf versus a donkey... pretty hilarious. Josh kicked Al in the face and Al clawed Josh in the stomach. Both were getting hurt pretty bad but they weren't stopping. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see my window opening and in crawls an ENORMOUS spider. No one but me and Dud even seems to notice the spider that gradually makes it's way into my apartment. Then, as quick as a flash, the spider grabs Dud, the half pigeon, and crawls out the window with him. I crawl out the window after them, trying to save him, but I was too late and Dud got eaten. I go back into my apartment and I started yelling at everyone for not even caring that Dud got taken away and eaten by the giant spider... Meghan looks at me with a straight (but nasty cat face) that there was no need to worry because her and Ravi were going to eat him later anyways.

End of dream.

What the Heck?

I seriously don't even know what is going through my head at night. I almost want to go to a dream analyst just to see what they would say.