I'm Messy. REALLY Messy.

This summer has been a time away from school and class, but has definitely not been a time away from learning.  God has been stretching me a lot this summer.  He has been teaching me more than I imagined; teaching me about myself, my faith, other people, and most of all, he has been teaching me more about His character and His Word.  

My perspective of the Gospel was, to say the least, shallow.  I understood that God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, down to Earth to die for our sins so that we could one day live in Heaven with Him for Eternity.  I learned this as soon as I started attending Sunday School when I was 6.  Beyond the basic answer to What is The Gospel?, what more have I truly learned and experienced?  

The Gospel, as addressed in Colossians 1, is the Word of Truth.  It is vital to experience and express the Gospel through the way we live and serve, but I forget all too often that the Gospel, as THE WORD OF TRUTH, needs to be proclaimed.  Even though I am a decently outgoing individual, I get nervous sharing my faith.  I get too self-conscious and become afraid of what others will think of me or say behind my back.  People already think I am crazy enough, let's just add "Religious Freak" to the list.  I don't hesitate sharing to those at youth group or Bible study, but it is when I am with my close friends who are unbelievers or my sorority sisters that I often leave Christ in the back seat to my selfishness, my pride, and my reputation.  Dumb, and I know it. This is one of my MAJOR goals for the year: To not only live the Gospel and live in ways that exemplify the Kingdom and glorify the One who saved us, but to also proclaim my faith and be shameless in doing so.  

Something else I have learned, also from Colossians 1, is that the Gospel awakens us to the hope that then awakens us to faith and love.  Hope in a future life and in the Lord, not in the reality of other things that consume our little, personal worlds.  Hope that God:

1. Is good by nature 

2. Created a good world in his likeness that was later corrupted and tarnished by Sin

3. Sent His Son, a restorer, to reconcile us with Him by dying on the cross for our sins

4. Is the deliverer that can and WILL dramatically change our world and culture when Jesus Christ comes again

It's easy to blame the declining economy, failed relationships, corrupt governments, and genocide for the world's decline.  It's sometimes easy to think of what we can do to help make the world a better place.  It's easy to say, "If only...".  IF ONLY people would adopt.  IF ONLY that President was out of Office.  IF ONLY I got along with my parents.  IF ONLY I got this speaker to come to my school. We are human. WE cannot fix anything by ourselves.  Yes, we can do a lot to serve others and offer the gifts God gave us to the world.  We can be Kingdom workers.  But when we only depend upon these social and moral solutions for fixing the problems of the world, that is where we are confused as believers.  Our world is profoundly evil and profoundly in need of a Deliverer.  We need to truly believe that Jesus Christ is our HOPE and that he can redeem what we as humans cannot. We can promote change and proclaim, but in the end, it is GOD that WILL prevail.  God's power trumps.  Everything. Every time. 

How I think and view God has also been something I have learned a lot about.  I understood and firmly believed in the fact that God is a personal, loving, gentle, and just God and that He will always be this way and always has been this way.  This thinking debilitates the essence of God.  I was categorizing Him into personal understanding of love and intimacy rather than confiding in the fact that God IS love.  He IS justice.  He IS gentleness.  The human usage of these adjectives are only small slivers and representatives of the Creator who embodies all of these things in complete perfection.  It is impossible for me, as a broken being, to fully comprehend His character. However, since the moment I dedicated my life to serving Him and living to enhance the Kingdom when I was a freshman in high school, God has been revealing Himself to me.  I have seen unaccountable examples of His power before my eyes-- moments that I could never put into words that would give Him the glory.  I love the fact that God can make very blind and broken people, like me, see those fragments of His Essence.  It not only reassures me of His beauty and perfection, but most of all, His desire for a relationship with each and every one of us.  The Creator of the Universe, perfect beyond explanation, wants a relationship with me? Score. Why wouldn't I want that?

I underestimate God.  I don't always truthfully confide in the fact that He is mighty and perfect.  So, "logically" (insert sarcasm) I depend on myself more than I do in Him.  I don't always proclaim the Gospel the way I should.  I don't always embrace His essence in the ways He deserves.  But I am learning.  I am trying to honestly open my heart and mind to His Word and His voice so that I will continually be challenged.  I know I am messy and I am trying to address this every single day.  I want to confront and deal with the Sin in my life, because I want to move forward.  I'm messy and that's okay... the moment I no longer recognize my brokenness is the moment I deny God's innate Goodness... THAT'S when I'll be in real trouble...

Keep on learning and opening yourself to the Word of God. To the Truth and to the Hope.