SINGLE American Female

(In honors of Valentine's Day, I thought I would write this post!  YAY! ...Actually, I did not intend to write this post on Valentine's Day... I actually meant to write it a few days ago but just haven't had the time to post... funny how things work out, right?  Well, it kind of corresponds well with the topic so I guess I will just take advantage of it.)

I loved my orientation days with ReChurch during my first week in ChristChurch.  I loved talking about the differences and similarities between American and Kiwi cultures.  I loved telling Hamish and Whitney about the observations I had already made in the short time I had been here.  I enjoyed learning more about the team and the origins of the church.  I also found such weight and appreciation in learning more about the values and core beliefs that ReChurch is built upon and by which they run.  It was all so exciting and new and I wanting to dive into it full force and just GO!  However... there was one aspect of the orientation that threw me off... something that bothered me just a little bit... it was the stress put on the fact that I came over to New Zealand as a single American female.

I understood the American part... I mean, there are a lot of American stereotypes out there, and I knew how important it was to NOT play into those stereotypes and really engage myself in the Kiwi culture.  I also understood the female part.  As a woman, I have certain responsibilities and in the kiwi culture, women play a very important role (Equality VERY VERY VERY important here... more stressed than anywhere I have ever been before).  Also, for safety reasons, making sure I am aware of my surroundings and boundaries for when I am doing community outreach work.  (There was also a hilarious mini-conversation about dating abroad, but I won't go into that now...)

But now segueing from dating:  This fact of my singleness being stressed threw me off.

This was essentially was Hamish and Whitney told me during orientation:
         There can be a lot more stress on someone who is single and going overseas.  Things like living arrangements, unspoken assumptions, work/identity issues, getting needs met, aloneness, relationships with the opposite sex, touch, and holidays.  I am the first staff member to have come overseas without a significant other or even without family being in the same country.  They wanted to make me aware that this situation may be more difficult than I anticipated.

It didn't make me mad or upset, but in my head, I was just thinking, Why is this such a big deal?  I know I have to take those things into consideration, but I have lived by myself for a long time, been single a long time, and have been away from home for long periods of time before.  I basically just assumed they were exaggerating a little bit.  To them, it probably seemed like a big deal because they just could not picture their lives in New Zealand without their significant others.  Being my typical stubborn self, trying to be all strong and independent.  It didn't last very long.

Last week, I got my first little dosage of homesickness  Not in a teary type way.  Not even in a "I don't like this place, I want to go home" type way.  It was just... well, really really odd.  Being 100% honest, I have never felt homesick before.  It's not that I don't love my family and friends and being home, I just feel like I have always coped really well with wherever I am at.  Not to mention, I am fairly social, so I like to go out and meet people.  So when I started to feel a little homesick, it threw me for a loop.  I didn't understand why, after two weeks, I was already feeling this way.  I was hoping I would have another good month or so before ANYTHING set in.  I sat down to think about why I was feeling this way... I journaled a lot and prayed and just spent time trying to figure out my emotions... and then it dawned on me... Hamish and Whitney were right... I AM SINGLE.

Except this time, I wasn't just thinking of singleness in an independent or dating/married type way.  I realized that singleness was manifesting itself in so many other ways...  For the first two weeks, I literally spent all my time with married couples, most of whom also had children.  As much as I adore my host family, all the staff members, and the various members of my Bible Study and ReChurch, I was literally around married couples, all of whom are older than me, and children.  (I got to know ONE college-aged boy a little - Hamish's brother-in-law - but he moved into the dorms at the University, so I haven't been able to see too much of him)  There was no one to just call up and meet up with for coffee without worrying about when their daughter/son needed to be fed.  There were no spontaneous, fun late nights out or just hang out times with some close girlfriends.  Then it hit me even harder when I paused to think a little more... no one here in New Zealand even really knows me.  I was literally alone.  Yes, I have incredible conversations with these couples and adore hanging out with all the different families and yes, we are still getting to know each other, however, I miss casually hanging out with other carefree singles and friends.  Even deeper and greater than this, I miss being loved and appreciated by the people back home who know me the best.  I missed being able to just call up a friend on a random night and finding something spectacular to do or some place to explore.  I miss that quality time with people I also know extremely well and love deeply in return.  It's not the fact that I am single, but moreso that I am struggling with singleness... aloneness.

The only thing I could think to do was read my Bible and pray.  I know that sounds cheesy and corny and super cliche, but it's the truth.  Too many times, I would wallow in self-pity and tears and just long for a comforting word from my family or a close friend.  But everyday, I am learning more and more about the Lord and about his character... about how loving, faithful, and present HE is, even when we feel alone. What better person to talk to and turn to other than Christ and His word, then?

One of my favorite passages in the entire Bible is Song of Songs 2:10-13.  Although it is supposed to be a book written by Solomon about a courtship between a young man and young woman (which I don't doubt), I can't help but think of this also as an allegorical narrative from God to us...

My beloved spoke and said to me,
   “Arise, my darling,
   my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
   the rains are over and gone.
 Flowers appear on the earth;
   the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
   is heard in our land.  

The fig tree forms its early fruit;
   the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
   my beautiful one, come with me.” 

Although it's so tempting to be sucked into loneliness and aloneness, I have to continually remind myself that even without the immediacy of a hug or a phone call from a friend, I am NOT in this adventure by myself.  I have to remember to respond to the call of the LORD and pray that He continues to draw me closer in relationship with Him.  This will allow me to have more fulfilling relationships and experiences here in NZ.  I am truly His Beloved.  I may be single but I am definitely not alone in the ways I started believing.

Thankfully, this past week has been really great in terms of getting to know more people.  I am starting to go to Zumba every week with my neighbor, Carrie, and I also met a group of younger Christians at church.  There is a group of seven of us that attend a pub/bar quiz night every Tuesday and was even able to meet up with a few for lunch on my day off.  God's super good.