Kiwi Dictionary

I know I have been in New Zealand for less than a week, but admittingly, there is one aspect of Kiwi culture that I am struggling with... well, for now.  Language.

You'd think, Oh well they speak English there!  That shouldn't be an issue!  I mean, yeah, they might have an accent, but it's like Australia, it shouldn't be that hard to understand... Yeah, I thought this too.  Oh Beth, you were so so wrong.  I mean, it is of great advantage that I do know English and speak it fluently, but between the heavy heavy accents of most kiwi's (especially here on the Southern Island), the slang terminology, and the fact that they speak incredibly fast, language has quickly become the means to my first dose of culture shock.

Here is a paragraph.  Read it and try to figure out what I might be saying:

Last Sunday, we took the old bomb up into the wop-wops to a place where my parents used to have a bach.  I had forgotten the way, and we did a bit of a tiki-tour because a cockie put us crook.  Then we asked another joker whose directions were spot on and once we found the right road, we had it sussed.  By the time we thought of going home it got a bit late, so we had to rattle our dags.  On the way, we took home some shark and greasies and had them with a couple of stubbies.

If someone says this to you, would you really understand what they were saying? No, me neither... well, NOW I would.  If you can have a go at what this is saying (without looking at a REAL kiwi dictionary), I will give you a prize.

Here is a list of words I have quickly learned so far:

JANDALS = flip flops
TORCH = flashlight
FRINGE = bangs
BIKKIE = a biscuit (hard cookie) you would have with tea
NOZZLE = nose
LOLLIES = candy (as a general, not just lollipops)
SAMMIES = sandwiches
SAUSAGE SIZZLE = barbecues
CRACKER = a compliment to something you think is really good (food)
BANGER = sausage
TOGS = swim suit
PUCKEROO = broken
PUSH CHAIR/PRAM = stroller
CHEMIST = pharmacy
GUMBOOTS = rainboots
SHARK AND GREASIES = fish and chips
BUBBLE AND SQUEAK = leftovers
TRAMP = a hike
PLASTER = bandaid
DUNNY = bathroom
HOKEY POKEY = a specific flavor of ice cream originated in NZ
COURGETTE = zucchini
COLLEGE = high school
RELLIES = relatives
BOOT = trunk of a car

And the most confusing of them all?

**SUPPER = afternoon tea
**DINNER = lunch
**EVENING TEA = supper

WHY make everything more confusing? Ha.  I am sure I am going to be learning "heaps" more over the next 6 months.