I thought I was done being an emotional wreck... Nope. That lasted all of two weeks. I am in a slight panic mode. I am trying to figure out how I am going to see and spend time with all the people I want to before I leave. I am trying to focus on school and actually graduating... yeah, that's a little important at this point in my life. I am trying to pack up my apartment... I can't believe how much STUFF I have accumulated over three years of living off campus. It really is absurd. But most of all, I am trying to refocus my heart on the only thing that actually TRULY matters at the end of the day... My relationship with Christ.
It's easy to push that aside sometimes... putting him lower on my subconscious "to-do" list, taking for granted that loving God is a decision that I have to make EVERYDAY. I have to flee from sin and selfishness, which I am sometimes horrible at doing. If I don't make my relationship with My Creator my priority, there is no way I am going to learn as much as He wants me to learn, love as much as he calls me to love, serve as much and I should serve, and worship as much as he made me too. If I don't live for him and deny myself, New Zealand is going to be merely an experience, merely an internship, merely a trip away from the realities of the United States for half a year.
That is NOT what I want. I want to LIVE for Him in everything I do. Not for my own glory and so the people in New Zealand will see how faithful I am to Him, but so that HIS goodness can shine from even the darkest of pits. And my life is a pit.
I need not only to re-prioritize, but to understand what living truly means... no matter what hemisphere of the world I am in.
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