Identity.

It’s crazy the way God reveals Himself to us sometimes. I love the way He reminds us of his goodness, beauty, and love. Through the relationships we have, through nature or the surroundings that make us feel the most comfortable, and through the things we see and what we are learning. I am learning each and everyday about God’s character. Sometimes, it’s in a very subtle way and other times, I cannot help but worship Him and give Him complete thanks and praise for the way he is working in and through me. I am constantly learning, but sometimes, I don’t realize the ways I am learning and I don’t see the way God is proving Himself sovereign because I get too ahead of myself and I focus too much on my own agenda. Just this past weekend, God, once again, revealed himself in a “I just hit you in the face, Beth, with a 2x4 so you would set your eyes on ME” kind of way.

I had a HORRIBLE Friday. Just horrendous. Why was it so bad? Well, it really is a long story with all sorts of little details, but it has to do with my art show. The original plan for my art show was for it to be with one other BFA student in November. The other two art students were supposed to have their shows at the end of October. Well, I guess our advisors were not pleased with the amount of work all four of us did (or, rather, did not) produce over the summer, therefore, deciding that instead of two two-person art exhibitions, we were going to join and have one large four-person art exhibition on the October date. I was slightly frustrated with this decision for a one main reason: less artwork. My artwork/show is a focus on Identity. The main point of my thesis is that we were created by a loving and creative God with intention… that our identity is in and because of Him. So, because we were created in God’s image, we each possess gifts, talents, and positive characteristics to use on this earth for him and for other people. I am trying to stress that our identity is not in what we do but more importantly in who we are and where our hearts are. I interviewed numerous people on their emotional characteristics/traits and their perspectives of purpose and identity. From their responses, I have been painting abstract figurative works of art, which are supposed to represent those people and their answers. I felt that fewer pieces would dismiss or lessened the effect of my thesis for the viewer. To finalize details for the show, our advisors and us students met for a review and critique on Friday. Well, at this critique, we found out one of the art students was not returning to Creighton for the semester and another one of the students requested to push back her show/graduation to the spring… which was granted. So now, the four-person show in October that was arranged turned into a two-person show… more pieces… once again… but now, a month before the original timeline I was on. Not to mention, after we presented our work to the advisors, we basically just got chewed out for being unprofessional and poor representations of the Creighton art department. I understood and respected most of the advice and the things that the professors were saying to us, but all that stuck out to me were all the harsh words, the tough criticism, and my mind kept flashing back to the word failure.

I have, since high school, identified myself as an artist. I guess you could say that being an artist has been part of my identity... it's been something I have not ever been able to separate from "who I am" and "who I want to be". My success, how others view my artwork, and positive feedback has boosted my ego... and criticism and doubt has both crushed it and made me eager to counter the negative feedback. So, to hear these harsh words come from my professors and advisors, this was not just a reality check, but it seemed like a crush against part of my identity. I mean, I am MAJORING in art, and to hear that I might be poorly representing the department? Ouch.

At church, we are going through a nine-week series on the "Gospel-Centered Life." Coram Deo is huge on making sure that we, as Christians, aren't just going through the motions, but that everything we do is keeping the true Gospel at the forefront. That after we accept and believe fully in the Good News of Jesus Christ, that we are growing in our awareness of both God's holiness and of our sinfulness. This past week, Bob Thune, the pastor, went through the Meta-Narrative of history: Creation --> Fall --> Redemption --> Consummation. These are some of the main points that Bob made throughout his sermon... I hope you see the connection I am trying to make and why I was so moved this week by God's words spoken through Bob:

- We have to recognize both the beauty and the good of the world as well as the broken and the bad.

- Truth and meaning are NOT accidental.

- Genesis 1: CREATION. Our identity comes from GOD. He created us in His image and we were made in His likeness. He gives us instruction on what we are going to do with our lives... our purpose.

- FALL: From the fall and because of our sin, we are cursed and separated from God. We naturally want to find acceptance and approval, but we look to other means. EVERYTHING WE DO IS A QUEST FOR PURPOSE, RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND IDENTITY OF WHICH WE LOST IN THE FALL. We think, "How can I make a difference? Make a name for myself?"

- We have a natural desire to measure up... finding ways to define our identity. (Career, relationships, what we are not, etc...)

- We live in what Tim Keller calls a MERITOCRACY. That achievements "prove" our value... but they never will because they are finite things we often look to.

- Pretending (thinking we are better than we actually are) and performing (earning God's approval through what we do) are religious expressions of a longing to measure up.

- REDEMPTION: The GOOD NEWS quenches that thirst

- Two Gospel Truths:

1. Passive Righteousness (Romans 1:16-17) and 2. Adoption (Galatians 4:4-7)

Righteousness is NOT from US but from GOD and we do not have to labor for His righteousness because of faith. We ARE good enough. God adopted us into His family. It is possible to be people without a name to us, without a connections or bond with others... believing in the Gospel means turning from works righteousness and turning from trying to make a name for myself.

REALLY? An entire sermon about Identity, the theme of my art thesis, and just the points I was trying to make in my paper? Wow, God. Awesome. But not only that, but that God was speaking DIRECTLY to me with these words and this sermon. It was not only a reflection on what my thesis is all about, but what I am all about. I have been talking about the importance of Identity and understanding fully that our identity comes from GOD but I have not been living this way. I have been trying to measure up to the standards of my professors and the Creighton art department... I have been putting my sense of self-worth in my art - not in being a child of God, Christ's beloved. My identity is NOT in art. HE is the one who is righteous... NOT me. My identity is NOT in this art show. Yes, it is important, but it is not the ends and means of who I am. My identity is not in meeting deadlines. My identity IS in Christ... so if I succeed, then AWESOME, but if not, that doesn't mean I am a failure or that God loves me less.

It's hard living in a world that stresses so much on "making a name for ourselves"... but that's the reality of it. I am just blessed that God reminded me of HIM before I let the results of the art show meeting effect everything I felt about my worth and my abilities as an artist. I am His.