I remember being a freshman at Creighton, a new member in the Gamma Phi Beta sorority. It was a Sunday and we were having our new member pinning ceremony and I was being walked through the ritual by my "Crescent Sister", a junior assigned to each one of us new freshman to help guide us through our first experiences in the sorority. I remember turning around to meet her, but I didn't recognize her. Despite this fact, she hugged me so hard. "I'm Jenny! Your crescent sister!"
When we went to brunch after this, I remember her sitting with me the entire time and just asking me question after question after question. Everything from What's your family like? to What would your dream job be? Not exactly questions people normally ask upon first meetings, but that didn't matter for Jenny. She was interested in me as a person from the start. I, a scared and insecure freshman girl not even sure if I really wanted to be a sorority, was loved by this junior. For being me. She embodied sisterhood from the start.
That next weekend, she picked me up so a bunch of us could hang out before our New Member Date Party. I told her at brunch that I didn't drink, but I was just really excited to hang out with my new sisters. When I got in the car, she looked me in the eye and said, "So, I have a surprise for you..." and out she pulled sparkling grape juice. "I know you don't drink, so I thought I would get you a little surprise. It's the closest thing I could find." Again, Jenny proved to me that she actually cared. She listened to what I told her, and she still went out of her way to make me feel loved and included.
Over the next year, Jenny and I would meet every once and awhile just to talk and catch up on life. We were never super close, but she was one of the upperclassmen that I could confidently call my friend.
Some background about Jenny: She was diagnosed as a child with Ewings Sarcoma. She had been in remission for a really long time, but recently, she found out her cancer came back and she was put in hospice because it spread so quickly and her condition worsened. Going in and out of consciousness for a little while, yesterday morning, she passed away in St. Louis. She was a pediatric oncology nurse in St. Louis and was still working even after she found out she relapsed. Her entire life, she was dedicated to cancer research, but unfortunately, she lost her battle with this disease.
I found out she passed away yesterday... and not going to lie, I was a mess. It was one of those things where I would be perfectly fine, but then just burst out in tears. This happened over and over. I didn't realize much a death of a sister would effect me.
I asked Kristin Fitzgerald, the president of my sorority, if I could talk at chapter about Jenny. After she told me I could, I spent the afternoon trying to think of what I might say. Stories. Memories. How great she was. But, I tried of thinking something else to talk about as well. Half of the girls in the sorority had never even met her, so I knew that if I just talked about Jenny, they would not feel as much a part of the sisterhood. There would be that lack of connection.
Now, I'm not the greatest public speaker, but I thought it was important to share with everyone. When I stepped up after a couple of Jesuits prayed with us, I told the stories I shared with you all. I talked about how great she was and how quick she was to love and accept others. Then it hit me. This was not only a time of remembering Jenny and celebrating her life (with some serious mourning in there too), but her death made me realize how much I take for granted. How much we all take for granted.
I have SO many sisters out there. Ones before me and ones that will come after me. Like I said before, I didn't know Jenny extremely well, but her death impacted me. And I know it impacted others. Her loss made me realize everything she offered while she was alive. Her strength. Her determination. Her compassion. It made me reevaluate how I see all of my sorority sisters. We are all bonded in a special way, and it made me realize that even though I may not know everyone as well as I wish I did, I cannot take ANY of them for granted. This isn't just for people in my sorority either. ANYONE. I cannot take anyone's life for granted. Everyone plays an important role in this life. If we only bonded with our friends and family as if they (or we) were going to die tomorrow, I am sure there would be no regrets once they/you died. I'll miss Jenny and I celebrate her life, but another part of be realized how I took her for granted. I accepted her as my sister and loved her for it, but do we ever take the time and truly embrace our loved ones the way we should?
I'm not living in regret because of this, but it opened my eyes. I love you all. Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to read where I am coming from.
Jenny Steinmann
4.8.1986 - 11.4.2009
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