In 2000, my Dad got news of low counts of white and red blood cells in his body. He struggled getting those counts back up, but eventually, they were at normal levels and his health seemed to be better than perfect. My family was ecstatic.
About a month or so ago, I got a 'not so good' phone call from my parents. My Dad had more blood and bone marrow tests done to make sure his counts were still up. Instead of the positive results we were all hoping for, they told him that he had leukemic mircoblasts in his blood and bone marrow. He was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). This 'not so good news' is the understatement of understatements in my life.
I found myself unable to gather any thoughts or words. I was blank for a good ten minutes or so until I just broke down. I remember that I was driving back from running errands at school and after I hung up the phone, I just kept driving. I didn't want to walk back on campus. I needed silence and I just wanted to drive and drive and drive and drive. I eventually called a few people to tell them. I didn't want any advice or for people to say anything; All I wanted was for people to listen. I just wanted to vent and cry and know that those I love are there. "I don't know what to say..." people would tell me. I replied, "I don't expect you to say anything... I just needed to talk..."
At first, it was minor, but since his diagnosis, it has been spreading faster than we were ready for. After several visits to a specialist getting different samples and exploring treatment options, my parents decided to have my dad go through extensive chemotherapy. This would mean that starting June 6th, my dad will get high dosages of chemo for 20 minutes a day for three days and then getting regular/slower dosages 24/7 for a week. After these treatments are done, he will have to stay in the hospital till the end of the month to make sure he doesn't get infections (since he'll be anemic and his immune system will be down). I never EVER pictured my dad needing to be hospitalized for 3 1/2 weeks for having cancer. Never in a million years.
This scares me a lot. As strong as I try to be, this breaks my heart. I know I have to be strong and positive, but also, I can not hold back how I am feeling. This is opening up opportunities for my family to express themselves emotionally more than we ever have before. I am positive and I want to look to the plan God has in store for us. God is really testing the Cavender family that is for sure. I think the greatest thing about this whole situation is that my dad is remaining positive. He laughs and makes jokes (maintaining a sense of humor was one of his number one priorities), talks about it, asks and answers any questions, is getting really into the scripture and spending time with God, and is not afraid to show his emotions. I have never seen him so raw and real. This is the man God created.
A week ago, my dad asked me if I knew what a blog was. I of course answered, "Yeah! I have one... haven't you been reading it?" He hadn't... but he asked if he could make one for him to update and write about everything going on with him. I helped him create his blog tonight and I know it will be great. If you wanna check it out, the site is: http://dncamljourney.blogspot.com. There isn't really anything on it now, but things will be up shortly. He is really excited about it, which makes me excited. He is not afraid of telling people about this, but is embracing it and is ready to beat it.
Normally I am not an avid supporter of people just opening up scripture randomly and thinking that the verse they point to with their eyes closed is the one relevant to their lives at that specific moment, but tonight, there was a moment "kind of" like that. My mom gave me a new journal she found and it has devotionals spread throughout it with Bible verses. I just flipped it open to a random page and it said,
"Be encouraged. God's ways are always right.
They may not make sense. They may be mysterious,
inexplicable, difficult, and even
painful. But they are right. 'And we know that God
causes everything to work together for the good
of those who love God and are called according
to HIS purpose for them.' (Romans 8:28)"
It was really comforting reading those words. I know that God right now is calling me. I need to answer the door and allow him to walk with me every moment of every day. I need to seek him every moment of every day.
What I ask of all of you, is that you would pray and keep my family in your thoughts. PRAY PRAY PRAY. I know my Dad and the rest of my family would really appreciate it. Also, please read his blog. I know there are going to be some really great posts up and I am sure he would love to answer any questions or would love to receive encouraging feedback. God Bless you all.
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