Turn Around and Upside Down

Just as things get to a point where you think they are going great, everything freaks out and goes crazy.  Story of my life.

So being the crazy person I am, I willingly took on a number of tasks all at once claiming to be a lover of "the busy life."  Yeah, I lied... and I just realized it.  I think the only reason I like being busy is so that I can ignore issues going on in my own head and ignore problems or plateaus that I don't want to face.  HUGE ISSUE.  I am ignoring these ENORMOUS elephants in the room.  Yes, elephantS... plural.  They are really brightly colored as well... I also really like being needed and being recognized for doing things efficiently and well.  This is all biting me in the butt hardcore.  Things right now are kind of falling apart before my eyes.  Everything I plan is not working out.  That right there is my major problem.  I am planning EVERYTHING I do... I am not going with the flow or hoping things work out, but I plan and they crumble.  I am trying to be this powerful, invincible, crazy college student that is super involved and wants to change the world.  I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing as long as it is for the right reason. As much as I wish I was genuinely doing everything to Glorify the LORD or to benefit those around me, I am not.  I love glorifying His name in everything I do, but instead, I am trying to make myself look better.  So not good.  It just sucks that other people are going to be hit by my selfishness in the long run.

I plan way too much... blah, I need to stop.  God has such CRAZY plans for me that I cannot even fathom.  Another fault of mine?  I am UBER impatient.  But I am even more so excited for the day that the right doors are offered to me and I confidently and securely walk on the path that the LORD has had planned for me all along.